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So your partner wants to move to the suburbs and you want to stay in the city. Nay—you need to stay in the city. But he says he needs less congestion, noise pollution, and traffic. It can feel like you’re at an impasse. And, the truth is that many couples have broken up simply because the two individuals didn’t feel that they could be happy building a life in the same place. They wanted to wind up in the same place, of course, but their ideas of the perfect place to live were vastly different. People get tired of city life. People can become exhausted by the fact that their calendar is always full, and they struggle to even make all of those appointments because of traffic. Some people just want to get back in touch with nature and live somewhere with less cement because it’s so good for you. But some people feel a deep connection to the city—like it feels their heartbeat. Here’s what can happen when your partner wants to move to the suburbs but you want a city life.
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Get out of town more
You may be able to scratch your partner’s itch by simply getting out of town more often. Find some affordable, quiet towns you can escape to for weekend getaways every six to eight weeks. Maybe just knowing that a break from the city is around the corner, and will be regular, can be enough.
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Take more hikes
If you can’t leave for a full weekend, drive out of the city and take a hike on a weekend. It could just be a nature fix your partner is after. This may not put off his desire to leave the city forever but it could work for a while.
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Buy in the suburbs; rent your city spot
If you can financially swing it, buy a place in the suburbs and rent out (or sublet) your place in the city. It can be important for you to know that you still have that connection to the city.
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Meet him halfway
There might be an area you can live that’s not quite the deep, isolated suburbs but is still far away enough from the hustle and bustle of the city to make your partner happy. Meanwhile, if you’re only a 30 to 45-minute drive from the city, you know you can return whenever you like.
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Try long-distance
You can always try doing long-distance until you’re ready to join your partner in the suburbs (or until he learns he doesn’t like it out there and wants to return to the city). There are ways to make it work.
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Move near a park
Here’s a trick that could let you skip the suburb move: find a place that faces a park. That means you won’t see and hear foot and vehicle traffic all day long and your partner can wake up to a green view.
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Move closer to his work
It may just be the commute to work and the traffic that has your partner in a fuss. Consider moving somewhere closer to his work. Even if that puts you far from yours, at least you’re still in the city.
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Set a goal date
Maybe your partner doesn’t need to leave the city today, but he needs to know that he won’t be there forever. Talk it over. Perhaps, if you could be comfortable moving to the suburbs in five years, that will be good enough for him. Just knowing that that’s coming could make him happy.
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Let him take that RV trip
He’s been saying for years that he wants to take a solo road trip across America. So let him take it. Yes, you’ll miss him, but you can also feel less guilty about keeping him in one spot.
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Go camping more
Going camping can satisfy your partner’s need to leave the city. Maybe you can be that couple who is really into roughing it in the woods. Learn about the gear and become regulars at the wilderness stores.
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Stop filling your schedules
If it’s just the business of city life that has your partner feeling blue, then stop over-scheduling your lives. You don’t have to attend every birthday party and charity fundraiser to which you’re invited. A slower pace of life could be all your partner needs.
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Find a suburb with some action
Maybe you can have it all. Research some towns. There are some great cities that have that lovely suburban feel, with just enough downtown action to prevent the sensation that you’ve lost touch with real life.
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Do you need to be in the city, for work?
Ask yourself if you must be in the city for your work. If you work remotely and can work anywhere, or your company could relocate you, it could be worth it to agree to live in the suburbs for just a few years. You can see how you feel after that.
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Make friends in the suburbs
Make friends who live in the suburbs. Then, you always have a guest room to stay in when your partner needs to get away that’s just a train or car ride away.
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If it had to be him or the city…
Ultimately, you may need to ask yourself this: if you had to choose between the city and your partner, what would you choose? You love the city but could you be happy there without your partner? If not, and he needs to leave, then you have your answer.
