My father is with a gold digger and it’s been something my sister and I have tried tackling for years. When we tell people about the situation, they (endearingly) want to help and jump in with suggestions. “Have you tried saying this to him?” Yes. “What about this?” Yup. “Have you confronted her?” Uh-huh. But the reality is that nobody can make a man leave a gold digger if he doesn’t want to and he’s probably aware of the situation. Gold diggers prey on lonely men a lot. Men and women handle matters like divorce and becoming widowed very differently. Often, men don’t really have a good social network to fall back on after losing a partner. They’re lonely, and they latch onto the next person who will pay them plenty of attention. You can guess who that might be. When that’s your own father with a gold digger, it can cause pain and frustration beyond words. Here’s what it’s like when your divorced or widowed father is with a gold digger.
You get on the case of proving it
First, you get on the case of proving she’s a gold digger. You try to gather as much evidence as possible to show your father the way she is wasting his money, and using him. You’re sure if you can just show him what’s happening, that your father will leave her.
He is in deep denial
You realize the issue isn’t that your father doesn’t see what’s happening; it’s that he doesn’t want to see what’s happening. And, why should he? Who would want to admit that somebody doesn’t actually love them for who they are, but rather just for their money? Ego and loneliness are powerful forces that can blind a person.
She befriends you at first
The gold digger befriends you at first. She is always so excited to see you. She is so supportive of all of your endeavors. And, she even encourages your father to spoil you, the same way he’s spoiling her. She’s trying to charm you, so that you don’t say anything to your dad about your concerns.
She pulls him away from you later
Eventually, the gold digger realizes that you’re onto her and so she finds ways to distance your father from you. She even puts it into his head that she’s the only one who really cares about him, and that his own children are selfish. It’s an easy myth for him to believe since you’re off living your own lives, and she is constantly with him.
That’s your inheritance going down the drain
It’s maddening to see what would have been your inheritance be spent on…trips…jewelry…expensive dinners…impulsive and dumb investments…and whatever else she spends it on.
But saying so feels selfish
Of course, telling your father that his new girlfriend or wife is spending your inheritance comes off as selfish. It’s very delicate.
But it’s the principle of the matter!
Ultimately, it’s the principle of the matter. That money is not that woman’s money. She just swooped in out of nowhere and is spending it. You realize you shouldn’t feel selfish for stating that it’s yours because, well, she is certainly treating it as if it is hers.
You feel your father loves you less
You can’t help but feel at times as if your father doesn’t love you as much as he used to. He is with a woman whose actions directly and negatively impact you. You know that he knows it so…how are you supposed to not take that personally?
You want to blow up at her
You have times when you want to scream at this woman. But you know she’s already been in your father’s ear, saying that you and your siblings are monsters. So screaming would only confirm those rumors.
Blowing up at her will make things worse
While the gold digger is putting a strain on your relationship with your father, severing ties with her and fighting with her would only make things worse. Your dad will choose her if he has to. He’s lonely. If he breaks up with her, you’ll still be somewhere else, with your life, and he’ll be alone.
You try to set him up with other women
You’ve tried to set him up with other women. You meet nice, kind, honest, well-adjusted women and think why can’t my dad wind up with someone like this?
But her claws are in deep
Part of the way a gold digger keeps a man is by being very possessive. It’s a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship in which the gold digger makes the man believe he needs her, and that nobody else would love him anyways.
If your mom is alive, it hurts her
If your mother is alive, and your parents are simply divorced, she hears all about the situation. It pains her, too, to know that this other woman is robbing you and your siblings of your inheritance.
If your mom is not alive, it’s sensitive
If your mother is not alive, the matter is highly sensitive. You know that your dad is grieving. You want him to find ways to be happy. The trouble is that, what he’s feeling isn’t happiness: it’s a lie. He just doesn’t know that.
Ultimately, your father has a disease
You eventually realize that, you could break them up, but your father would just find another gold digger. He is deeply lonely, and wants someone who will hover over him and cling onto him. He wants someone who will be by his side constantly. No normal, mentally healthy woman will do that in a new relationship. But a gold digger will. Your dad is emotionally ill, and the gold digger is just a symptom.