Gettyimages.com/An African American man with his head down.
I don’t necessarily think it should be like this—I’m not saying it’s right—but if we can just call it what it is, then here we go: a man’s career affects his overall happiness and sense of worth more than a woman’s career affects either of those things for her. I have female friends who haven’t quite made it yet, and I have male friends who haven’t quite made it yet. Hey—I haven’t quite made it yet. My female friends manage to remain pretty upbeat and, well, happy. My male friends are clearly more plagued by the fact that things haven’t quite yet taken off for them. I can see that their work, and the things they want to do/feel they need to do consume their thoughts most of the time. It’s harder for them to relax and be present when they don’t feel they’ve yet arrived. Maybe it’s part of that antiquated but strong subconscious belief that they need to be providers for others. Whatever it is, I know that dating someone who hasn’t quite yet made his mark on the world comes with interesting side effects. Here are things your not-yet-successful partner probably worries about.
Source: Jim Craigmyle/Corbis
How will I be a father?
The top concern is how will I provide for children? A man may not worry about this in a new relationship, but when things get serious, and you live together, he will start to think about being a provider for you and your hypothetical children. Then he’ll feel like he’s failing even more people.
