When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Many Friends

April 20, 2018  |  
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Overall, I believe that women are more social creatures than men. We thrive on the hormonal boost we get from being around our buddies, from sharing stories and experiences, and from building bonds. Women tend to feel rather depressed if they don’t get to socialize on a regular basis—it’s a biological need for us. It really is! We require more of the chemicals we get from friendship than men require in order to feel happy. Meanwhile, men can be a bit more of lone rangers and it doesn’t seem to bother them much. All this is fine until those men get into relationships with women who have tons of friends. Now you have a woman with an active social life and a man who, well….his social life is his partner. It’s a very common dynamic. Here is what it’s like when your boyfriend has no friends.

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You feel bad going on girls’ trips

You feel guilty leaving him for the weekend to go on girls’ trips. While most men might take that time to see a bunch of their buddies they haven’t seen in a while, you know that yours will just…be lonely that weekend.

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Or even girls’ nights

You even feel guilty just going out for girls’ nights, and he tends to text you a lot throughout the evening. It’s hard for you to feel fully present because you just think about your boyfriend sitting at home, waiting for you to get back.

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You encourage him to pursue connections

If he mentions he met a guy he liked, or you see him hit it off with someone, you encourage him—almost like his mother—to get the phone number, make a plan, and hang out sometime.

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There’s pressure on your friends’ partners

The fact that your partner has few friends put a lot of pressure on your friends’ partners. Why? Because you’re always asking your friends if their boyfriends and husbands will reach out to your man more, and invite him to things. But they already have their friend group.

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Planning his birthday party is weird

Planning something like his birthday party or some other event that’s about him is awkward. You ask him for a guest list and he writes down, like, three names. So his birthday party winds up having mostly your friends.

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You’re one of the few people he confides in

You’re one of the few people he can confide in, vent to, and open up to. That’s fine except for when you’re going through your own stuff. Sometimes, you only have the energy to tend to your own crisis but your partner has no one else to talk to.

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He’s always available to hang

The upside is that your partner is literally always available to hang. You usually don’t need to double check with his schedule to see if he can come with you to this or that—he’ll be free.

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You try to push for the double date

When your friends ask you to go to dinner, you always try to push for a double date and say, “Maybe we can bring the guys!” It’s a bit annoying for your friends because, well, now you have to coordinate twice as many schedules and that inevitably pushes the dinner back by weeks. Plus, sometimes, your friends just want one-on-one time with you.

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And the couples’ vacations

You also push for those couples’ vacations. Again, you feel guilty traveling without your partner. But, the issue is that, your friends’ partners would rather just spend their vacation budgets and days on their good friends—rather than with your boyfriend who they barely know.

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You try to find things for him to do

You’re always trying to come up with things for him to do, like some sort of a day camp coordinator. If you know you’ll be out all day, you look up movies he might want to see or find chores for him to do. You just don’t want him sitting around.

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You might push him onto your male friends

If you have male friends, you’re always asking them to invite your boyfriend along on boys’ night. They’re happy to do so sometimes, but they don’t want to have to invite him to everything.

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You have to be his companion for everything

He doesn’t really have other people to invite to events he’s interested in, which means you have to go with him. You really wouldn’t mind if he found someone else to accompany him to his particular hobbies that just don’t interest you.

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You don’t understand it

You don’t really understand how he seems perfectly content not having a lot of friends or an active social life. But he really does seem…fine. And he’s not strange or unlikeable. Heck, you love him! But guys, like I said, can just be lone wolves like that.

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He insists he is fine

And he really does insist he is fine. When you try to schedule days for him or find friends for him, he resists it like a teenager and says, “Stop! I’m fine!” In fact, he gets a little embarrassed when you try to do friend setups.

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It can be a lot of pressure

All in all, it can be a lot of pressure when your partner doesn’t have his own friend group. You can feel like you are his entire life, and his entire social calendar. It’s nice having a boyfriend who is so available and so attentive but…you need play time with your friends sometimes.

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