Living with codependency issues can feel like you’re constantly running from something…oh. That’s yourself. Every morning, you might wake up, and feel the need to call, text, or see someone. You can’t just let the day come to you—you need to chase down activities and socializing, even if it’s very hard that day. It’s great to enjoy and like people; it’s not great to need people all of the time. Because guess what? They just can’t possibly be there for you all of the time. And if you don’t have the strength to be alone sometime, you’ll do things that are self-destructive in the pursuit of company. Remember you can binge on anything—alcohol, shopping, drugs, sex, and even companionship. Many people only associate codependency with romantic relationships, but you can be codependent in friendships. Here are signs you are codependent in friendships and all relationships.
You check guest lists before RSVPing
You won’t attend an event until you’ve checked the guest list. You need to know who is attending before you decide if you’ll go. You won’t go unless you know other guests, and you text them to make sure you arrive at the same time.
You cannot go out for meals alone
Even if you are absolutely starving, and have no food in the house, you will not go out to eat until you can find someone to go with you. And you would never see a movie alone.
You are always on the phone if you’re alone
If you aren’t with someone, you are still talking to someone. You make a phone call when you walk your dog, drive in the car, sit in your apartment, sweep your apartment, wait in line at the pharmacy…you need to be in contact with someone all of the time.
You drag people into your errands
If you have a few errands to run, you desperately try to find someone to go with you. You promise to buy them lunch or a drink, or run their errands with them, too. You just can’t run three hours worth of errands alone.
You need input on everything
You cannot choose a pair of shoes, a couch, a brand of vitamins, a gynecologist, a color of car…without getting ten friends’ opinions.
You panic when someone needs alone time
If you have a friend you spend a lot of time with, and she states she needs alone time, you feel like someone has knocked the wind out of you. You almost have a panic attack. You need to know when this alone time will stop.
You’re jealous when friends have other friends
If you see that one of your good friends spent time with someone else and didn’t invite you, you get a little upset. You can’t help but obsess over whey she didn’t invite you.
You don’t need alone time
You do not need alone time. You cannot remember the last time you needed it. You cannot imagine needing it. You don’t see the appeal of it.
You text your friends every detail
You text constantly. You are always texting a live update of your life to at least five people at any given moment. You need to feel like your life is a show someone is always watching.
You’ll do things you hate to have company
You’ll go to movies, conventions, activities, events, bars, restaurants, parks, and just about anywhere you actually hate, so long as you get to have company.
You forgive flakiness
Certain friends have flaked on you so many times and you’ve always forgiven them. They could’ve totally stood you up for a lunch date, and you forgave them. You can’t imagine calling someone out for this, because you don’t want to scare them off.
And you forgive betrayals
Actually, you’ve never really called a friend out for betraying you. You crave company and attention so much that you’ll take any of it—even from people who don’t treat you well.
You fixate on people who don’t like you
If you become aware that someone doesn’t like you—even if they aren’t a big part of your life—you fixate on it. You ask whoever will listen why this person doesn’t like you and what you did wrong.
Without asking if you even like them
When you learn someone doesn’t like you, you never stop to ask yourself, “Do I even like that person?” You’re so focused on having people approve of you that it never occurs to you to ask yourself if you like them.
You’ve done favors you shouldn’t have
Sometimes, people don’t have boundaries with you, and you don’t seem to mind. You have, for example, broken up with someone for someone else before. People can push you to do them inappropriate favors.