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Do you remember what a perfect little resilient baby you were in your early twenties? Do you remember when you used to laugh at how hungover you were? The muscles in your face, when you were hungover, worked enough for you to laugh? And you actually found humor in what you were going through. Who was that? That must have been some alien who inhabited your body for a while. A lot of us have, “How did I do that?” and “Why did I do that?” moments when we look back on our early twenties. Your mind and body changes drastically after the age of 25 or so. Certain hormones drop off while others increase. Certain synapses in your brain don’ fire as much or as properly. You just don’t bounce back the way you once did. Here are things that get much worse as you get older.



As we already mentioned, hangovers are so much worse now. Perhaps it’s the combination of the fact that you cannot metabolize alcohol as well, and the fact that you have real things to get done when you’re hungover. You have to do taxes and negotiate rates with contractors and smile through baby showers hungover.


Sugar binges

Girls’ night used to consist of ice cream, pink wine, candy, and pizza. Now they consist of butter-free popcorn and straight vodka because your body cannot handle sugar the way it used to. You feel depressed, physically exhausted, and bloated after a donut. of Deep fried battered onion rings

Fried food frenzies

Wow. You used to hit up a drive-thru once a week. You’d have a burger, fries, and onion rings. Then, on Fridays, you’d get fried jalapeno poppers and blooming onions at happy hour. You used to take down a lot of fried food! Now when you do that, you can’t have a bowel movement for three days. Maybe that was always the case, but now you notice.

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A bad night’s sleep

A bad night’s sleep wasn’t anything a little energy drink and bacon couldn’t fix back in the day. Now it turns you into some sort of monster. You’re afraid to interact with people. You have doomsday thoughts. Does everybody hate you? Are you in a reality show about your life and don’t know it and you’re the least liked character?!

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Bad first dates

Bad first dates were hilarious when you were younger. In fact, you said yes to most of them because you figured you’d at least get a good story out of them. Now, you carefully curate your first dates, so if one goes poorly, you’re left questioning everything you know about yourself and other humans and you don’t want to go on another date for three months.


Changing birth control

Perhaps because the female body goes through some hormonal changes towards our early thirties, we don’t seem to adjust to a new birth control the way we did when we were younger. Changing birth control, later in life, usually means breakouts, weight gain, and mood swings to the max.


All night sex sessions

You and your boyfriend could stay up and have sex all night when you were in your early twenties. Now, well, first off, you don’t even want to do that. Neither of you. But if, by some fluke, you did, you’d both be in a tremendous amount of pain the next day.

Getting up from naps

You could pop right up from a nap when you were younger. You could get up, and within ten minutes, be ready to party. Now you almost feel like you need to throw a funeral for that nap when you get up. It’s a dark, sad, lonely time.

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Going from day to night drinking

Oh, you can’t do that. No way. You can either day drink or night drink. If you do attempt to do both, you wind up sleeping at a bar (if you’re not busy throwing up).

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The day after a hike

You just can’t go on a spontaneous hike anymore when you and your buddies come across some gorgeous natural landscape. You have to apply creams to your joints, you need to stretch, you need your orthotics, and you need plenty of breaks. Without these things, you won’t be able to walk for a week. friends dancing on dance floor of nightclub

Getting into clubs

Getting to skip the line at popular nightclubs was never necessarily easy, but you could swing it. All you had to do was flirt a little and say pretty please. Now, well, the bouncer is instructed to let in the fresh 21-year-olds first. If you want to skip the line, you’ll have to promise to buy a small stock in the male jewelry line he is trying to get off the ground.

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Over-packing your social calendar

You could run around from one thing to the other, giving yourself no alone time when you were younger. Now, you need to treat alone time as a real, solid, standing appointment. If you over-socialize, you wind up irritable and nasty to everybody.

woman upset, staring, angry


Your ability to tolerate nonsense

You used to laugh it off if people were selfish, if a friend slept with a married man, if a date stole a bottle from behind the bar, or if someone made a sexist joke. Now you are in their face about why you are not having it.

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Halloween is a celebration for those under 28, and the worst night of the year for the rest of us. All we worry about is all the crime in the world and how it increases on Halloween and the surge prices on Ubers and the fact that costume fabrics give us yeast infections.

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