Marrying someone your parents don't like

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Here’s a little secret: nobody fully approves of the person their daughter marries. Your parents want you to be with someone perfect—some illusion that doesn’t exist. Naturally, nobody is going to live up to that. Some people, however, are fortunate to wind up with someone that their parents really like, and even love. Some women marry men that are just the next best thing after that perfect illusion their parents had for them. Others may not marry the man of their parents’ dreams, but they have parents who are smart enough not to say anything about that, because they know that saying something will just put a strain on their relationship with their child. Then there are those few, unfortunate souls who first off, marry someone who doesn’t totally impress their parents and second off, have parents who won’t shut up about it. Here’s what it’s like to marry someone that doesn’t impress your parents.

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They still try to set you up

Your parents not-so-subtly still try to set you up with other men. When you go home to visit them sans-husband, they just so happen to invite their friend’s young, successful, single son over.

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They talk about your one friend’s successful husband

They take every chance they get to mention how successful and wonderful your one friend’s husband is. Hint, hint: why didn’t you follow in her footsteps?

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They talk about the “realities of life” a lot

Your parents love to slip the “realities of life” into conversation. When they do this, they’re implying that you and your partner haven’t thought about the financial realities of life and that your partner won’t be helpful in those.

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Their friends haven’t heard much about him

When you spend time with your parents’ friends, it’s quite obvious that they haven’t told them much about your husband—as if he’s their dirty little secret.

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They tell you divorce isn’t shameful

For some reason, your parents like to bring up the topic of divorce from time to time and remind you that there’s no shame in it. Just—ya know—something to think about.

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They use wordplay to describe what he does

They can’t just accept what he does for a living, what his hobbies are, or who he is. So they use wordplay to make it sound more impressive, more conservative, or more of whatever they need it to be.

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They give too much unsolicited advice

They constantly give your partner advice on how to run his life. It’s very uncomfortable and your partner has to politely listen.

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And even offer unsolicited loans

Your parents also offer your partner loans to start the types of businesses they wish he got into.

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They make forced business introductions

Your parents have clearly tried to set up your partner with business contacts that can help him. But the thing is—he doesn’t want their help.

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They always try to prove that you’re struggling

Your parents seem to look for proof that you’re struggling. If you so much as mention picking up fast food for dinner they say, “Is it because that’s all you can afford?” Ugh.

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They say things like “Having fun isn’t everything”

When you tell them how happy you are with your partner, and how much fun you have together, they give you a passive aggressive comment like, “That’s nice—but having fun isn’t everything in life.”

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They send you articles on the increasing price of childcare

They send you articles about how expensive it is to raise a child these days, just in case you might consider leaving your partner for someone who can better afford children.

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They only see the problems with your home

They don’t see all of the charm in your home; they just see that your couch is a bit old, or your TV could be larger. They pity you, when you don’t want their pity.

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You have to shield your partner from all of this

You are stuck with the job of shielding your partner from your parent’s disapproval. You essentially have to lie to him your whole marriage and say that your parents love him.