Top Reasons Female Friendships Fall Apart
I’m not going to idealize every friendship and pretend we live in some fantasy world where everybody can get along. It’s not always a shame when a friendship ends. Some friendships need to end. But, I think we can also all admit that we’ve lost some friendships we regret losing, over some issues that were pretty preventable. And good female friendships are a real shame to lose. Look: everybody can be proud. Everybody can get caught up in their careers or relationships or families. But the beauty of friendship is that, if it’s a quality one, it isn’t conditional or changing with the seasons. Your kids love you, but as teens they hate you, and as adults, they leave you entirely. Your partner loves you, but sometimes you fight, you have sexual droughts, and you can even divorce. Friendship isn’t susceptible and vulnerable to those types of changes so if you have a good one, don’t let it go. On that note, here are the top reasons female friendships fall apart (don’t let yours be one of them).
A controlling partner
When one woman gets involved with a controlling partner, everybody loses. When her friends try to warn her, she feels they aren’t supporting her relationship. Meanwhile, she runs even closer to the controlling partner, getting tangled in his web, pushing her friends away.
A pretentious partner
Sometimes, one woman gets involved with a pretentious partner—perhaps he is “too good” for the hole in the wall bars his girlfriend and her friends like. He slowly tries to prune her to be more like himself, and even tries to get her to be friends with his other pretentious buddies’ partners.
A partner who just isn’t any fun
If someone winds up with a partner who just isn’t very social, she’s bound to disappear from the friend group. It’s easier to maintain your friendships when your partner is willing to participate in your social life.
One is single/one is married with kids
When one person remains single and the other gets married and has a family, the two friends’ lifestyles and schedules can be so drastically different they rarely see each other. When they do, they can’t relate to one another’s experiences.
New work friends
When you have different careers in totally different industries, you’re bound to wind up with two separate groups of friends who are vastly different. Getting the two groups to co-mingle can be tricky, so you just wind up spending less time with that original friend.
One becomes very successful
Not even discussing money here, when one person becomes very successful, her life changes. She is invited to a lot of events. She gets a lot of attention. She is launched into a different world than her “civilian” friends.
Political views can really tear friends apart over life. When each person marries someone with their political opinions, they’re pulled even further from their friends with differing views.
One puts in all the effort
One person winds up putting in all of the effort. It just happens sometimes. Friends fall into a rhythm in which one makes all the calls or initiates all the plans, winds up resenting her friend, and stops reaching out entirely.
The crisis friend
Don’t get pulled into the spiral of treating your friend like your crisis friend—the friend you only reach out to after a breakup or when you’re fighting with your mom. She’ll wind up resenting you, and she won’t look forward to seeing you.
It’s quite common for two people to become friends through work, and then become enemies (or frienemies) through it. If you want to keep a good friend in your industry, separating work and personal stuff is oh-so-crucial. Ultimately, when you have to, putting the friendship first is also important.
When a friend moves, seeing her can mean plane tickets and taking time off work. But it can be worth it for a really good friend who knows you well. In fact, visiting a friend can be fun because, when you do visit, she takes time off and you really dedicate the time to focusing on each other.
Gossiping rather than communicating
It’s easy to fall into the trap of complaining about one friend to another, rather than just confronting the friend who is upseting you. Normally, a good friend won’t get (too) upset if you confront her about an issue, but she may never forgive you if she finds out you gossiped to someone else about it first.
Failing to make plans
Life gets busy and you can fail to make plans for months…or a year. You might hesitate to make plans on your rare down time because you’d rather sit at home and watch television. But if you don’t bite the bullet, make the plans, and set aside the time to see your friend, you can lose that friendship.
Different financial situations
It can be naturally difficult to remain close when you have drastically different financial situations. But, ideally, if you are good friends, you’re willing to compromise on where you go/what you do to be together.
One person has a tough time and disappears
It can be hard to know what to do when your friend is going through something difficult and disappears. Some friends don’t even want your help (or state that they don’t). But don’t let a rough patch mean the end of a friendship. Let that friend know you’re there for them whenever they want someone around. They won’t forget that.