The Top Reasons Women Pull Away Emotionally

December 15, 2017  |  
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Gettyimages.com/Closeup of sad young woman in living room worrying with man in background

I don’t like the way people claim that women are sensitive in a negative way. We are, in fact, sensitive, but in a good way. We are deeply away are shifts in moods, energy, and dynamics. We are intuitive, and can feel major problems coming on at the first almost imperceptible sign. I’ll admit that we are sensitive, but it isn’t in the way people often say we are (irrational, reactionary, unable to take a joke etc.). If I can be real, in my experience, men can actually behave in those unfortunate ways just as much as women can. That negative type of sensitivity isn’t unique to any one gender—that’s just a personality type. But I do feel that the useful type of sensitivity in which we can predict and determine changes in dynamic before they occur is uniquely female. Which is why, sometimes, we distance ourselves from our partners for what seems like no reason. But we have good reason. Here are the top reasons women emotionally pull away.

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You aren’t supporting her in her career

Supporting her in her career doesn’t just mean asking how her day was and remaining silent until she’s done talking. It means engaging. It means having conversations with her in which she bounces ideas off of you and analyzes changes happening in her own understanding about her field of work. A partner who loves her job doesn’t want to leave it at the office and she doesn’t want you to pretend she left it there.

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You monopolize the social calendar

You fill up your calendar with events that include your friends or your work events, assuming your partner will come, and leave no open days for date night, or something your partner wanted to do.

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You never want to socialize

You’re a homebody. You don’t want to put in the effort to make conversation with anyone besides your partner. You’re a bit of a grouch, actually, and don’t really like many people. So your partner is forced to go out with you or stay in with you but she can never have the best of both worlds.

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You let career-related depression consume you

You’re down about a setback in your career and you let it consume you. You stop engaging in conversation. You are in a bad mood all of the time. Everything you say is negative. You’re spewing your negativity everywhere and not realizing that you’re bringing your partner down with you.

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You aren’t acknowledging her emotional downswings

When your partner is down, you don’t acknowledge it. You give her a hug, a brief, “Aw. I’m sorry” and then you move on to talking about your day or trying make plans for the weekend. You don’t read the room.

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You do not listen

If you’re not a good listener, then, as a man, you’ve got nothing—as far as relationships go. When a woman can tell you don’t listen, she won’t bother forcing you too. She’ll just pull away, and find another man to talk to.

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You won’t make sacrifices

You always push and campaign for having things your way (where you vacation, where you have dinner, what furniture you buy for the apartment). It never crosses your mind to make sacrifices so you can both have your way, at least part of the way.

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You censor her

You’ve tried to tell your partner that she is too rowdy, that you don’t like who she hangs out with, that you don’t like what she posts on social media, or that you don’t like the way she dresses.

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You dismiss her ideas

When she tries to be involved in conversations about your work and life, you clearly dismiss her ideas. You take advice and input from your friends and family, but not from her.

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You don’t invest in her friends

When her friends come over, you quarantine yourself in a room. You don’t make an effort to get to know them. You don’t participate in the quadruple date night with her friends and their significant others, claiming those are her friends and not yours.

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You don’t invest in her family

Like really, truly invest. I mean calling or emailing her parents when you know they’re having a hard time, or offering to go to their house and help them with certain tasks. You just put in the bare minimum of showing up for major family events.

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You don’t treat her like a friend

You clearly separate your friends and your girlfriend. You treat your girlfriend like a trophy or something very precious. But the way you interact with her and the way you interact with your female friends is clearly very different.

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You are inappropriate with other women

If you flirt with other women or are too touchy with your female friends, your partner is going to pull away. She knows that crossing small boundaries now will lead to crossing big ones later.

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You’re holding back her growth

You don’t want to go with her to lectures, museums, and other enriching events about which she is curious. In fact, you try to talk her out of going on her own so she can stay home with you.

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You take up all the attention in the room

You just generally take up all the attention in the room. You don’t give her a chance to speak at dinner parties. You’re the loudest one everywhere you go. You talk about yourself the whole night with friends and don’t tell them about her recent accomplishments. She feels she needs to fight to be seen around you.

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