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Not only is self-discovery not a bad thing—it’s a very important thing! On the other side of self-discovery is career success, fulfilling friendships, a healthy relationship with food and—yes, you guessed it—the potential for finding your mate. That being said, self-discovery is intense and when done right, immersive. It can and should consume your life until it’s done (that’s an oxymoron because, of course, you’re never done discovering yourself…but you will go through a phase of self-discovery that is particularly trying before things level out). As such, it’s tough to carry on a relationship when you’re in the middle of figuring out who you are, how to love yourself, what you want out of this life, and what your values are. There’s a good chance you’re repelling partners because you’re clearly still figuring things out, and that’s fine. Here is how men can tell you’re going through a period of self-discovery.

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You recently burnt several bridges

When you’re going through a phase of self-discovery, you tend to discover there are a lot of people in your life who you don’t need there. If you tell your date all about the friendships you recently severed because they were holding you back, he knows what time it is.

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