Things That Should End A Marriage
Marriage isn’t always going to be perfect. In fact, it’s going to be far from it most of the time. Marriage is like driving a car: it’s a series of constant adjustments. If you aren’t aware of your changing surroundings and you don’t make the appropriate adjustments, you’ll crash. So you don’t just get to exchange vows and expect this whole love and happiness thing to be on autopilot. Marriage is very active and conscious. The good ones are, at least. A small wrong turn or bump in the road shouldn’t mean the end of a marriage. But there are some events and changes that, when they happen, signal the fact that someone has been making wrong turns over and over again for a long time—until he got to a dead end. Some marital changes show that one or both people weren’t willing to make adjustments, starting a long time ago, and they can end a marriage. Here are things that can and probably should end a marriage.
Your partner no longer wants to socialize with you
Your partner no longer sees you as a friend. He has his social life, and then he has you. He doesn’t associate you with fun. He separates you from his friends. He goes out to do fun things and then comes home to see you. But you’ve stopped experiencing new things together or developing new memories, and your partner doesn’t see a problem with that.
Your partner asks you to change your values
Whether those values pertain to drugs, crime, or simply how you treat other human beings (let’s say he no longer wants either of you to do the volunteer work you’ve been doing for years, or he doesn’t want you donating any more money to charities). You can’t be with someone who requires you to adjust your moral compass.
Your partner joins a cult
It sounds ridiculous, but it happens a lot! Some cults are harder to spot than others. In fact, many take you by surprise and aren’t all ritualistic sacrifices and white robes out of the gates. If your partner joins a cult, you’ve likely lost him.
Your partner blows all your joint money
When a partner blows the family’s savings, without getting the family’s consent, that shows a complete disregard for the well-being of anyone but himself. You can’t be married to someone like that and you certainly can’t raise kids with someone like that—that person only looks out for himself.
Some might say that one incidence of cheating should be enough to end a marriage. I won’t comment on that. But if someone has cheated several times and had various affairs, the trust is usually entirely obliterated and beyond saving.
Frugality to the point of not having a life
You want a partner who cares about your money and saves for your retirement. But you can’t live with someone who is so frugal and afraid of spending money that you don’t get to live a life.
There should be a zero-tolerance policy for physical abuse. If someone physically abuses you, he has anger issues that stem far back to before you even met—issues he needs to work out on his own, without a romantic partner. Anger issues that cause physical abuse do not occur overnight. They are deep-seated and very serious.
Wanting a different type of marriage
If your partner wants to be swingers or wants an open relationship and you don’t, the marriage simply cannot go on. When your ideas of fidelity are different, there cannot be trust.
Choosing work over important moments every time
Sometimes humans slip up, they let their egos get the best of them, they forget that you only live once and they put work before the things that really matter. But if your partner perpetually does this, and is essentially leaving you to live your life by yourself, you can’t be with him. That is not a marriage.
A refusal to compromise
If your partner can’t compromise then he shouldn’t be someone’s partner. A person who refuses to change, refuses to apologize and refuses to do things any way other than the way he wants to is not marriage material. And if he won’t go to counseling to discuss it, he really isn’t cut out to be a husband.
Putting your children’s safety at risk
If your partner puts your kid’s safety at risk—let’s say by having drugs in the home or keeping violent and unsafe friends around—you need to leave him, and take the kids with you.
Accepting that the spark has died
The spark can die sometimes, but it can also be brought back to life. It can’t, however, come back to life if your partner simply accepts that that’s the way it is and isn’t willing to do anything about it. Life is too short to have a spark-less marriage.
Ceasing all physical affection
If you don’t have physical affection, then you’re just roommates and business partners in the business of raising a family and keeping a home. But don’t think you’re abandoning someone if you leave for lack of physical affection—that person abandoned you.
Using your partner to get ahead
Your partner should never be a career tool. You should never network with your partner. Bounce ideas off of him? Look to him for emotional support during your career journey? Of course. But carry out calculated moves to get something from him that can help your career? Never. Then the unconditional love is gone.
Conspiring against your partner
It should always be you and your partner against the world and not the other way around. If you start conspiring with other people—from your friends to your family to your accountant—to manipulate your partner to do things you want him to do, then your marriage is no longer a safe place.