All Articles Tagged "divorce"
If you’re a J. Cole fan you may have caught the surprise ending of his video for the single, “She Knows”. I won’t give it away if you want to check it out, but the moral of the story is if you’re going to cheat, try not to be messy about it. It always amazes me how people will cheat so egregiously and then have the nerve to act surprised. It’s all fun and games getting it on with your side piece in the same bed you sleep with your partner in until you’re staring at hidden camera footage with the host of Cheaters.
In this digital day of screen caps and Catfish, it’s becoming harder and harder to get your creep on and what’s even worse is that children are increasingly more technologically savvy than their parents meaning that all too often they become aware of a parents’ infidelity before their spouse even does. I had a friend who discovered her dad was cheating on her mom just because he didn’t know what the “Trash” folder was for. In my opinion, this is the worst kind of secret you could ever place your child in a position to have to keep. It’s right up there with the “bad touch/this is something special between me and you” betrayal. And although some may think I’m being pretty harsh with that comparison, I believe it’s ultimately disrespectful to a child when you force them to deal with adult feelings and make mature decisions before they are prepared for them.
Relationships are complicated enough for children. There are some adults who can’t even make sense of their feelings, so to ask a child or even a young teenager to make sense of complicated emotions like love vs. lust and “growing apart” can be an unrealistic expectation.
J. Cole may be relieving some trauma from his child in the “She Knows” video. The lyrics in his song “Never Told” reveal that he was forced to keep quiet about his own father’s infidelity:
“Could it be cause my father let me know
That he cheated, and somehow I never told
I never told
Hey, you wanna be a man?
Yeah I wanna be a man.
A man don’t run tellin’ mama everything he see.
I ain’t gonna tell.
Alright then man. You’re a man now.
When a child witnesses a parent being unfaithful it sends the indirect message that you don’t respect their mother or father. On top of that, you place a child in the painful of position of choosing to be honest and hurt one parent or protect their bond with the other one. It compromises all the values that parents are supposed to want to teach their children like respect, honesty and integrity. People make mistakes, parents or not, but that doesn’t mean your children should be traumatized because of your carelessness.
If a child chooses to reveal to a parent what they have witnessed, the reaction of the parent could have a serious effect on how honest that child chooses to be in the future. If the parent believes them, the child may feel like they are partially to blame for their parents’ breakup. But if that parent doesn’t validate that child’s feeling or flat out tells them they are wrong, they may never feel free to talk openly again. So often what children say is invalidated or not taken seriously. Especially when it comes to the painful truth, so many parents are quick to discredit their children if it means they can spare their own feelings.
I won’t get into a lecture about avoiding infidelity, but I will say if you are going to cheat, make an effort to protect the ones you love, especially your children. And if they do catch you cheating, don’t ask them to keep it on the low to protect your own ass. Being an adult is all about accepting your flaws and taking the burden off your child to be the bearer of bad news. Once your child catches you cheating it’s time to come clean to your partner and explain to your child the best way possible how you and their mother/father will proceed and take ownership of the part you played in the deception. Cheating is not only disrespectful to your partner, but being careless about it is also disrespectful to your child.
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.
‘My Child Can’t Afford To See Mommy Having A Nervous Breakdown:’ Sherri Shepherd Speaks Out About Divorce
Last month, we told you that Sherri Shepherd’s husband of two years, Lamar Sally, filed for divorce and demanded custody of their unborn child. Days later, Sherri also filed for divorce. Now, the actress and comedian is speaking out about the disintegration of her second marriage. While a divorce can be very devastating, Sherri says that the only thing that she can do at this point is move forward.
“When the dust settles, you figure out what went wrong—but as long as you’re alive and you can breathe, you [can] get up and keep going. For me, my child can’t afford to see Mommy having a nervous breakdown,” she told Us Weekly. “It’s not in the cards.”
To make matters even more difficult, details of the split have been highly publicized, but the “View” host says that she continues to remind herself that things could always be worse.
“I hope that my character and my integrity will scream louder,” she added. “There’s always someone worse off than you,” she said of her perspective in life. “You have to really sit down and be thankful for the things that you have.”
As for the advice she’d offer people going through challenging break-ups, Sherri instructs divorcees not to be too down on themselves for selecting the wrong partner.
“I say you can’t beat yourself up,” Shepherd told Us, “when you know you’ve made the wrong choice in a guy…” She explained, “You look, you do some introspective work, and you try not to make the same mistake.”
Even if you happen to make the same mistake again, she advises against dwelling on it for too long.
“If you do, get back up, dust your feet off, and start walking and moving forward.”
As for how she’s personally making it through this tough time, Sherri credits her friends.
“I have really amazing friends.” Sherri explained. “I have a lot of really wonderful friends [who] say ‘erase that!'”
We’re glad to see that she’s staying positive.
We’ve heard of quite a few stories over the years where an angry wife took to the Internet to expose her cheating husband. But this story has a bit of a different twist. An Australian newlywed by the name of Dan recently took to Gum Tree (similar to Craigslist) to resell his wife’s wedding dress in a post titled, “Wedding Dress for Bride Seeking Eventual Infidelity.” Judging by the post, the poor guy discovered that his wife of two years cheated (or planned to cheat) with his best friend! The posting reads:
“Due to be married soon? Not planning on staying faithful? Want to sleep with one of your soon-to-be husband’s closest friends? Then THIS is the wedding dress for you.
This stunning, tuille swathed, ivory bridal gown has a proven track record of producing an adulterous, deceitful, double-crossing and traitorous ‘soulmate.’
A one of a kind garment designed by Benedict Arnold, believed to be derived from the very cloth Judas Iscariot himself wore to the Garden of Gethsemane to betray the only son of God – Jesus Christ.
This harlot-sized ensemble will make you the envy of your trampish posse on your fraudulent wedding day.
As an added bonus, this dress gives you the ‘entitlement’ to legally obtain over half of your husband-to-be’s worldly possessions.
This dress is guaranteed to provide you with approximately two years of reasonable wedded mediocrity before the complete and utter disintegration of your relationship due to your extramarital promiscuity.
Cosmetically, the garment is in better condition than the marriage – not looking for much. Make an offer.”
Since the post was first made on June 8, it has been viewed close to 200,000 times; however, the dress has yet to be sold. Poor thing.
It’s always so sad to see a marriage end. And even though it tends to happen quite often in Hollywood, when a couple has put in so many years, you start to assume they’re going to make it.
Sadly, that doesn’t appear to be the case with Melanie Griffith and her husband of 18 years Antonio Banderas.
Griffith’s legal documents cite irreconcilable differences as the cause.
The documents filed by noted divorce attorney Laura Wasser show that Griffith is seeking child support and sole physical custody of the couple’s only child together Stella, though she’ll turn 18 in September.
Griffith is also seeking spousal support.
Though the documents don’t list a date of separation, sources close to the two say their divorce is amicable, though they may have problems splitting the property. They have a lot of real estate in both Spain and the U.S.
Sadly, this is Griffith’s fourth divorce and Antonio’s second.
She may no longer be a cast member on VH1’s “Basketball Wives,” but Jennifer Williams is far from done with reality TV. Last March, we told you that the long-legged beauty was in the process of developing her very own reality show with “Love & Hip Hop” visionary Mona Scott-Young. It’s unclear when the series will debut, but in the meantime, fans can catch the former “Basketball Wives” star tomorrow night on E! Williams announced earlier today that she will be appearing on “True Hollywood Story: Reality Ex Wives”.
According to TV Guide, the episode will profile “reality stars who have split up.” During the one-hour special, the ladies will discuss “how the pressures of appearing on television affected their marriages, plus the trials and tribulations they faced off-camera” will be explored.
“Five of Tinseltown’s most infamous ex-wives will share personal stories about their high-profile relationships and unleash the drama behind their very public divorces,” E! Online further explains.
Joining Williams for the special will be Courtney Stodden (Doug Hutchison), Linda Hogan (Hulk Hogan), Adrianne Curry (“My Fair Brady”) and Countess Luann De Lesseps (“The Real Housewives of New York”). As previously stated, “True Hollywood Story: Reality Ex Wives” is set to air Thursday, May 22 at 8/7c.
Sounds interesting. Will you watch?
Just after Sherri Shepherd and Lamar Sally signed their prenuptial agreement back in 2011, Lamar reportedly wanted to amend the agreement. According to TMZ, the amendment included clauses about fitness, sex and submissiveness. A few of those alterations read as follows:
– “I respect my husband’s opinions and recognize him as the leader of our home. I will always speak well of my husband.”
— “I enjoy having sex with my husband. I crave intimacy with him and want to be uninhibited and free in our lovemaking.”
— “MY BODY IS IMPORTANT TO ME. I STRIVE TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY BODY WEIGHT AND EXERCISE AT LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK.” (HIS emphasis)
— “It is my joy to submit to my husband as a way to honor God.”
Sherri, of course, rejected amended prenup, but it’s pretty odd that he’d try to get those things in writing. Lamar recently responded to reports regarding the amendded prenup and although TMZ obtained a copy of the amendment in question, he’s insiting that never wanted Sherri to sign it.
“I did not want her to sign an amendment to our prenup,” he said.
It looks like Sherri Shepherd’s custodial problems are extended beyond her impending divorce from estranged husband, Lamar Sally, who is already requesting custody of their unborn son. According to TMZ, Sherri is also being taken to court by her ex-husband, Jeffrey Tarpley, over custody of their 9-year-old special needs son.
Jeffrey filed an emergency custodial request back in April, asking to modify their current custody arrangement. He stated in court documents that he wants full custody. In his filing, he insisted that Sherri’s demanding work schedule has caused her to be a neglectful mother who consistently leaves their son in the care of “unskilled nannies.” He went on to say that as a result of Sherri’s absence, his son is still reading at a 2nd-grade level, wears Velcro shoes because he can’t tie his laces, is falling behind in school and is suffering from low self-esteem.
The accusations don’t end there though. Jeffrey also alleges that hygiene has become an issue for the child because Sherri has failed to teach him how to properly care for himself. He expressed that while he would like be around to help out with the boy, he lives in California, so it’s impossible for him to be there on a consistent basis because Sherri lives in New Jersey. He also says that there’s no way he can undo the damage that Sherri has already done to their son during his short visits, which is why he wants Jeffrey Jr. to come and live with him full-time. We should also note that Jeffrey Sr. made his custody filing before Sherri’s current husband Lamar Sally filed his.
Sherri has responded to Jeffrey Sr.’s request and according to Sherri, he’s an absentee parent who does not deserve to be a part of his son’s life. A family court judge denied the emergency request, but set a hearing date for July to settle the dispute.
Things aren’t looking so good for our girl right now.
The battle is on between Sherri Shepherd and estranged husband, Lamar Sally. Last week, many of us were shocked to learn that Lamar filed for divorce from the “View” co-host after less than three years of marriage. In his divorce petition, not only did Lamar request spousal support and full custody of their unborn child, but he also demanded that their prenuptial agreement be considered void because of fraud. While the world looked on, anticipating some sort of frantic response from Sherry, for a while, they got nothing. Days after his filing, she quietly filed for divorce as well—without acknowledging his request for custody of the unborn child, which their surrogate is scheduled to deliver this summer.
Some thought it was a little odd that Sherri didn’t mention the baby in her filing. But thanks to TMZ, we now know why. In her divorce petition, Sherri simply requested that her prenuptial agreement be upheld. And at this point, that’s probably all she needed to do. You see, per Sherri’s prenup, the baby will automatically be placed in the custody of Sherri to live with her and her son, Jeffrey, once he’s born. That’s right, she gets full physical custody.
And as previously reported, the newly leaked details of Sherri’s prenup also reveal a possible theory as to why Lamar is fighting tooth and nail to have the prenup thrown out. Per the agreement, if the couple remained married for two to five years, Lamar automatically gets $60,000. He more than likely wants way more than that.
At this point, I think it’s safe to say the gloves are off.
When it comes to Smokey Robinson, the words “cheaper to keep her” take on a whole new meaning. According to Radar Online, the legendary singer and songwriter is still paying for divorcing his ex-wife, Claudette Rogers-Robinson, nearly thirty years after their 1985 split.
This past March, the 74-year-old filed a lawsuit against Claudette, insisting that per the 1976 Copyright Act, she no longer owns the music copyright and royalty rights that she was awared in their divorce settlement.
“As the sole author of the musical compositions at issue, [Smokey] has the exclusive right…to terminate his assignments of copyrights after a certain number of years,” Smokey’s legal team argues in court documents. “[He] has properly issued termination notices for all currently-eligible copyrights.”
But Claudette is apparently prepared for a fight. The former Mircales singer claims that she’s is still very much entitled to 50% of all earnings resulting from the music Smokey produced between 1958 and 1985. According to Claudette’s legal team, Smokey “assigned [Claudette] a one-half interest in the Community Musical Compositions, and no termination right is available under the Copyright Act with respect to that assignment.” She’s demanding a trial by jury.
Can you imagine still going back and forth to court with an ex from 30 years ago? Good grief!
I once read an article about Jenny McCarthy where she stated that her famous ex Jim Carrey is no longer close to her son now that they’ve broken up. Jenny has a son from a previous marriage who Carrey became very close to during their five-year relationship, which ended in 2010. Fast forward to 2014 and McCarthy is now engaged to Donnie Wahlberg. I’m guessing…or maybe hoping…that Wahlberg’s relationship with her son is just as close, if not closer than the one he shared with Carrey, but child/step-parent relationships can be very complex. Which brings me to this question: Should step-parents be allowed, or required, to stay in a stepchild’s life even after a breakup or divorce?
Some step-parents who have divorced someone with a child might not care if they no longer have contact with the child depending on what that relationship was like. The child might not be extremely affected either, especially if he never really became attached to his step-parent in the first place. But what about the kids who grew up with a step-parent who treated him like his/her own and now has to separate from that parent? The devastation could be the same as if he were separating from a biological parent. And if the couple shared a biological child, then a stepchild might also suffer from the possibility of becoming separated from a sibling that he’s bonded with.
Then there’s a case like Jenny McCarthy, where she’s now moved on to a new guy who will be in her son’s life. Perhaps Jim Carrey felt that it would be best to distance himself from her child because he knew that one day she’d move on to someone else who would play a fatherly role. And if Carrey is dating someone new himself, would she take kindly to him staying in his ex’s life by remaining close to her son? I think a case can be made that if a couple doesn’t share a biological child, and were never married, then there’s no reason for an ex to remain in your life period for the sake of child that doesn’t belong to the both of them.
So what is the protocol in situations like this one? My guess is that there is no set rule when it comes to step-parent/child relationships since none are exactly the same. It would depend on the bond that was developed…or not. And it would also depend on how the relationship ended between the parents, and the maturity level of the adults involved as well.
Marrying someone with children is not a decision to make lightly when there’s a possibility that you’d have a huge impact on a child. If that child lives with a step-parent, then that person will be in a position to help raise a child, mold him and shape his views and outlook on life. If the child bonds with the step-parent, then the relationship becomes independent of the biological parent, therefore making a breakup very painful. In this case, both adults should give proper attention to the impact their divorce would have on the child. This is where maturity makes all the difference.
It would be a biological parent’s legal right to keep his or her child away from a step-parent in the case of a divorce (unless that step-parent has legally adopted the child or has been granted custody), but if he or she sees that it’s hurting the child, then the best thing to do in that situation is remain cordial with your ex so that the child can maintain contact if he or she wants to. The step-parent should also keep that door open should the child still crave his or her love, attention and guidance. While a step-parent may not be able to demand visitation for a child that isn’t biologically his/hers, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to request some time together if a bond has developed over years that would be no different than if the two shared DNA.
If the child is of an age where he or she can express themselves freely, then consider their feelings in the breakup and ask them what they’d like to do. Some may be so young that they can’t properly express their desires without upsetting either parent, in which case the parents should use their best judgement as to what is in the child’s best interest. But if you’re dealing with teenage children, then they can continue the relationship with the step-parent or let it drift away. In this case, a biological parent should just step aside and allow your ex to come to his games or his graduation and support the child together. And ideally, isn’t that what one would want? After all, more love is always better.