All Articles Tagged "divorce"
Excuse us, but we’ve been living under a rock. We didn’t realize that the same people we watch on our favorite shows and in our favorite movies were married to one another at some point in time. While some of these star couples are still going strong, a majority signed them papers and hit the road.
Must be awkward to run into one another at awards shows.
But life and the show must go on. Check out the stars we didn’t know were married to one another in the past and present.
Geena Davis And Jeff Goldblum
And here we thought that they just starred alongside one another in that hella creepy movie The Fly. Davis and Goldblum were actually married from 1987 to 1990.
I am currently going through a divorce. My soon to be ex-husband and I were married for 10 long years, and during that union we had two handsome boys (ages 9 and 7). They seem to be taking the divorce well. My marriage was really rocky. I dealt with affair after affair and severe emotional neglect. I am writing because I am considering changing my last name, however quite a few family members are aggressively encouraging me not too (mom, aunt & older sister). I didn’t think it would be such a BIG DEAL!!! What would you do in my situation?
The Name Changer
Taleema Talks: Should I Change My Last Name Post Divorce?
Dear Name Changer,
To change or not to change? That is the question.
Deciding whether or not to keep your married name is your choice and right. I was married (yearssssss ago) and when I knew divorce was inevitable, I started weighing my options. I have three AMAZING daughters and wondered if changing my last name would upset or affect them in any form or fashion. I decided to have a conversation with my two oldest, my youngest was just a baby and would not understand.
My oldest said, “Mommy you will still be my mommy no matter what.” After hearing that, I felt good and took it as a green light to move forward with what I wanted do. My last name was legally changed on my social security card and driver’s license the week after the divorce was final. I did have to ask the judge for permission to return to my maiden name, but the process was smooth.
For me, going back to my maiden name was a DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!
There are some specific questions to ask yourself prior to making that decision:
- How do your children feel about the name change?
- Has the last name become your identity?
- Are you changing/keeping your name for positive reasons?
- Is your professional reputation tied to your name?
Remember, at the end of the day there is no “right” or “wrong” answer. You have to decide what is best for YOU.
If you decide you want to proceed with the name change or even if you “may” be considering, ask the judge during the divorce proceedings for your name back and make sure you tell him/her the new name you wish to use. You will get a copy once the divorce judgment is entered and filed. Be sure your name change is included in the order, if so your name is now legally changed.
Even though your name is now legally changed in the eyes of the court, you still need to go and change your name on identification-Social Security and Motor Vehicle License are two important ones to change (take a copy of your divorce decree!). Legal documents, utility bills, passports, insurance companies, banks and the post office should all be notified as well. If you don’t ask for a name change during the divorce and decide later that you want to change back – be prepared to come out of pocket.
There are so many reasons women decide to change or not to change. Here are a few that I know personally and a few that I’ve heard:
- The woman scorned is the woman who does not want to change her name with hopes of annoying her ex or possibly his new love interest/spouse. Spite is an energy that will SUCK the life out of you….are they worth it?
- The woman who just wants to make sure she has the same last name as her children. I totally get and understand that reason. I know sometimes having different last names may cause a problem/confusion with schools and or medical situations.
- The Professional woman who has earned degrees/certificates and/or has experienced success in her profession usually opt to keep their name. Who wants to start over if they don’t have to?
- The woman whose identity has been defined by her last name: marriage, motherhood, white picket fence and dog…the “AMERICAN DREAM.” She doesn’t want to explain to everyone what happened to her “happily ever after.”
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet.” –William Shakespeare
Taleema is a proud mother of three beautiful girls, an Early Childhood Expert with over 18 yrs experience, and a woman who is passionate about promoting positive change and Cultivating Character in a world that is quickly forgetting those principles exist.
Call me an optimist or a believer in happy endings, but I truly pray my marriage can stand the test of time. As much as I love my husband and our union, I’m well aware of the divorce rate in this country and how quick folks are to call it quits. Marriage isn’t for everyone and takes hard work. You need to hold each other down during the happy and the difficult times.
Does this mean I need an emergency fund in case things don’t work out?
I never really thought about one until a (single) friend of mine asked if I had one. Now I consider myself a pretty savvy person when it comes to personal finances, but had no idea about this concept. Sure most of us heard about prenups and having your own retirement accounts, but a fund in case your marriage ends in a divorce?
As horrible as it might sound, it kinda makes sense.
While I’m only three years into my marriage (I’ve been with my guy for a total of seven years), I have heard horror stories about some marriages. How many of us have heard about a wife being shut out of money from the very man who talked her into staying at home? Or what about women who were clueless their husbands had double lives? This stuff isn’t just for television.
Even though I enjoy “traditional roles” in my marriage, I also have independence when it comes to my husband and our finances. Yes I do stay at home but I also collect checks through freelancing and my own personal business ventures. There’s something about relying on a single person for everything that just doesn’t work in my book. Plus, we’re able to save for our children’s college, a house and other endeavors with two incomes. Having my own pot of coins helps to make certain wants a reality, even if my husband is still the main breadwinner.
In fact, I’m the main one between my husband and I who always has their head inside a financial magazine or looking for ways to invest our money. While I am thankful we have a pretty good portfolio that’s growing, I’ve always considered creating an additional account for myself. My husband and I have a joint checking account and savings for emergencies. I also have a separate checking account since I’m a gal on the go, but perhaps I need a separate savings too? It has been on my mind considering I tend to have the flexibility in my finances to try different investments.
I just hate the idea of having it in case I get divorced.
Maybe I’ll call it the “Tanvier fund” or something. As much as I hate the “D” word, I also can’t be oblivious to the idea. After all, who enters a marriage thinking, “Hey, I’d like to get divorced in a few years?” As a wife and mother, it’s very easy to fall into the role of caregiver as you’re always working to take care of your household. Having a separate account or emergency fund is a great idea that empowers you to invest in yourself.
There are dreams I have that are separate from my family and will require an investment. Building up a fund for myself–that’s not associated with retirement–sounds like a smart money plan. And God forbid something happens to my relationship, I have coins in the bank to take care of myself.
While some hollered that they saw it coming from a mile away, personally, I was a little shocked when Paula Patton announced her separation from Robin Thicke last year. Sure, it was obvious that they were having problems, but for some reason, I just assumed they would work it out. Now that they’re mere weeks away from finalizing their divorce, Paula is opening up more and more about her decision to leave and what life has been like since the two have separated.
For one, the Baggage Claim actress says that the experience has been life changing because she’s never really been on her own before. She met Robin when she was just 14 years old and when she decided to move out of her parents’ home years later, she moved in with her childhood sweetheart.
“I moved from my parent’s house to moving in with Robin and now I’m becoming an adult,” she explained in an interview with Meredith Vieira. “I feel like a real woman now.”
As liberating as stepping out on her own may be, Paula says that it also comes with its challenges–like being a single mother.
“I took a lot of time off to be with him and then I had to pack for a trip because I had to go to work and he said, ‘Mommy I don’t want you to go to work,'” she shared. “It’s the challenge of being a working mother and it’s the first time he ever said that to me, because I did work when he was a baby, but now he is more aware of everything, so what are you going to do? It’s sort of the trials and tribulations of being a woman. Right?”
Overall, Paula says she’s doing well.
“You know I’m doing really well. It’s been a long year and a lot of challenges but I’ve grown quite a bit and just getting used to change,” she said.
As previously reported, Paula and Robin have already reached a divorce settlement. Their split will be finalized next month.
Until death do us part are the words that fall from our lips as we stand before our family and friends and pledge our unwavering love and support for our future spouse. We’re in marital bliss and finally have our happily ever after — or at least that’s what we think until everything goes wrong. Deeming the union unsalvageable and irreparable, we’re faced with the unimaginable: divorce.
Going through a divorce is difficult, especially if you didn’t initiate the process. So how does one prepare for this tragedy to unfold? You can’t, especially if you never saw it coming. But while you may not be able to prepare for the unraveling of your marriage, you can survive the reality of unhappily ever after. Here’s how:
Grieve The Loss. In many ways, going through a divorce is almost as traumatic as losing a loved one to death — except that your loved one is still alive and moving on without you, which can make the split even more difficult. As challenging as it may be, grieving the loss of the marriage is the most essential step to helping you get over the relationship. We must take time to grieve all types of loss in our life. We cannot effectively heal and move forward until we have acknowledged the absence of what was. We must accept that what we thought and hoped would be is no longer reality. Writing down your feelings about the divorce can be very helpful in the grieving process, as can writing a goodbye letter or sending off a paper lantern. Both are a great way to symbolically close the door on this relationship and open another door to a new beginning.
Accept That The Relationship Has Changed. One of the hardest things to do is to acknowledge that things will change. You’re used to being with your partner on a daily basis and now they will no longer be in your life. The consistency has changed, the comfort of routine has been eliminated, and you’re now faced with a new normal. Take the first steps toward accepting this change by separating yourself from your ex. Revert back to your maiden name, if applicable, change your address, dissolve any financial obligations tying you together, and don’t prolong the signing of divorce papers. You have to move on with your life.
Keep Yourself Busy. Keeping busy is important in order to have a peace of mind. Find hobbies and other ways to occupy your time. The more time you spend participating in positive activities, the less time you have to spend feeling sorry for yourself. Volunteering and helping others during this time will also give you a greater sense of fulfillment and purpose as you focus on easing the pain of others rather than focusing on your own.
Get A Support System. If you’re the initiator of the divorce, it’s still a challenging situation to navigate. Having a good support system in place will help make it a little easier to transition from married life to singlehood. Family and friends can be there to help you through the process, especially if they have been through a similar situation. However, remember that some family members and friends may not agree with the divorce, so it is important to be wise in deciding who to seek support from. Support groups for divorcees may do you good, but be sure to stay away from “rebound” support. You don’t want to end up in another potentially problematic situation because you were mistakenly misguided by your emotions.
A Little Therapy May Help. Therapy can be a great way to help you move past a divorce and get your life back on track. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to seek help from a professional who has experience in dealing with people going through a divorce. You can share your thoughts and feelings with someone who can provide a totally unbiased opinion. A therapist can also provide you with tools and strategies to help you heal as you move forward. They have an outside perspective, whereas family and friends may be too attached to your ex and may not be able to totally separate the connection. Even if you sought couples therapy prior to your separation, it’s still a good idea to try individual therapy for yourself. Seeking help alone may aid you in processing and moving beyond your concerns as a newly divorced person so that you can be a single person living and enjoying life.
Give It Time! Healing is not going to happen overnight. The process of a divorce can be long and daunting. As long as you remain committed to healing and moving forward, the journey becomes easier with time. There may be occasions where you become sensitive to your situation (i.e., birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and more) and that’s okay. The occasional emotional setback is expected; just try not to dwell too long on the memory, as it will only reopen wounds and make the journey take even longer.
Surviving unhappily ever after is totally possible, if you’re willing to do the work. That’s not to say that there won’t be lonely nights, a lot of tears, and a range of emotions along the way, but as long as you are realistic and remember that you can survive and be loving all by yourself, you will be able to get through the loss of the relationship.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. She is the publisher and editor-in-chief for Our Sexuality! Magazine. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.
One day these celebrity couples looked like they were living happily ever after. The next day they announced their split. Now they’re finally ready to share the reason behind these celebrity divorces.
Love Lesson: How to attract more love abundance
When we hear the word “abundance” we assume that this just means attracting money. However, the state of feeling and living an abundant lifestyle means much more than just the green stuff. Feeling truly abundant means also feeling filled with love. After all, love is just energy and so is money. Many of us have noticed that when we feel starved and poor in the pockets we also feel poor in love.
How we do anything is how we do everything. So it’s time to cast off that old poor, desperate, broken-down feeling. There’s no room for it in your dream life. Let’s change our thoughts and change our lives to create and attract more love.
Imagine a love switch. Just like we turn on a light switch and the room floods with light, we can each turn on our love switches. This switch is in our brains, however, and involves how we see ourselves and how we view our lives. As Albert Einstein said, “There are two ways to live. You can live as if nothing is a miracle or you can live as if everything is a miracle.”
We all have the power to become magnets for love, abundance and all of our desires.
Seven juicy ways to attract more love into your life:
1. Notice love.
It’s not hard to notice the lack of love. Our favorite gossip blogs and shows cover every celebrity breakups. Our besties bring us every misstep in love gone wrong and we do the same. It can be more common to share with our friends the things we don’t like about our relationships rather than the things we do like. We are all moved by human drama.
The key is to make a shift and try paying attention to loving couples when you’re out and about, positive portrayals of love and attraction. Talk about the good men over the supposed dogs. Allow yourself to feel good about love. It’s not just noticing love when it’s in front of you, it’s the soul-stirring, juicy emotion that accompanies the observation that helps create the feelings of love abundance in your own life.
If you are already in a relationship, pay attention to what you are noticing and affirming about your partner. We tend to notice all of the ways that it doesn’t work and what we focus on increases. Every time you point out to yourself or someone else something that annoys you about your partner also point out something you love. To receive more love you must be 100 percent thankful for the love you have. If you want to become a positive love magnet notice love, feel love, affirm love and be grateful for love.
2. Visualize Love.
How to attract more love? Well, your imagination can be your best friend if you want to become a love magnet. It can also be your worst enemy. Life has taught so many of us to squash our dreams. Instead of hoping for big, bold happy love we think, “I’ll just take what I can get.” No. Do not settle. [Check out my recent dialogue here with Tinzley Bradford, the Settle-Free Dating Coach.]
You can make a vision board or just use your imagination. Start with picturing a love even more wonderful than you can imagine. Again, if you’re already in a relationship you can still do this exercise. See yourself happy and in love with the perfect mate. If your mind can’t go there your reality can’t go there.
Sometimes we’re too afraid to even state our dreams out loud. We fear we’ll be ridiculed or shot down. We get scared that we may build our hopes up too high and then come crashing down to earth. Falling is okay because if you build your dreams high enough you can still land in the clouds or at least on a roof somewhere! Again, if your imagination needs help, cut out photos of loving couples and surround yourself with them. Then picture yourself in that same energy.
3. Speak love into your life.
Language is very important. You may very well be talking yourself out of the love abundance you claim you want. Pay close attention to your words. If you use phrases like, “with my luck…” and “I’m so stupid that…” you are doing yourself a tremendous disservice. You are programming your unconscious mind that you are unlucky and inferior. If you are unlucky and inferior, how can you then create your best life or love?
Think of every word you speak about your life as a spell. Every word that comes out of your mouth is an affirmation. Maybe even put yourself on a diet of positive words to counteract the negativity of everyday life. Read love affirmations before bed to reprogram your mind for love.
4. Be the lover you wish to attract.
If you made a list of what you’re looking for in a mate, would you posses all of the qualities on that list? And if no, then why not? A better question is, then why would that ideal person be with you? Like Ghandi said, “Be the change you wish to see,” I say be the love you wish to have.
5. Treat yourself as your dream partner would treat you.
If you want to be a magnet for love, you have to learn the arts of unconditional self-love and radical self care. No one will ever treat you better than you treat yourself because we teach people how to treat us. And if by some chance you find someone who is treating you better than you treat yourself you will get rid of them because you won’t think that you really deserve it. Pamper yourself. Love your entire self.
Feed your mind, body and soul as if you were divine and fully deserving; because you are.
6. Take action to find love.
Get out of your living room. If you want to be a love magnet you need to live your life. Sitting on your couch is not going to cut it. Let people know you’re on the market, join a gym or a team, try speed dating or online dating, take a cooking or language class. You’ll meet cool people and most of them won’t be your soul mate but that’s OK. You are priming the pump and making your life more juicy. Action is key to being an irresistible love magnet.
7. Love the ones you’re with.
Enjoy the people in your life right now. If you want more love it is essential that you become more loving. Instead of asking how can I get more love ask how can I give more love. Call up that aunt who has been going through a bad time and show her some compassion. Give a smile to that exhausted mom on the subway. You can’t walk around like a love-starved bitter chick and expect love to find you.
Close your eyes and see yourself the way I see you: as a happy, loving, juicy, love-filled Sacred Bombshell. Go forth, go love and multiply — and then multiply that love. That’s how you attract more love in your life. Now there’s the real law of love and attraction in action.
Abiola Abrams is the author of the award-winning guide The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love and founder of , where she offers empowerment coaching. Her previous column was about how a mompreneur turned feeling ugly into a beautiful business. Read it here.
Sometimes the biggest lessons in life come from the littlest people. At a “staggering” five feet tall, I suppose that I would technically be considered one of those little people, but for clarification’s sake, let me just start by saying that the little people I’m talking about here are children– my children. And in this case, that lesson was about divorce.
From the moment my ex and I decided to separate, I obsessed over how we were going to break the news to the kids. When we’d do it. How we’d do it. The first thing we decided was that it was going to me and not we doing the talking. Not necessarily because I’m better at these things than he is…. No, that was it. I’m just better at these things than he is. And I imagined that if it were both of us, it would be this Huxtable-style family meeting that we’d go into with good intentions, but come out with four children forever traumatized by the sight of all of us sitting in a circle with our tacky sweaters and Jell-O pudding pops, crying.
That was my view of it. But the truth is that growing up, I never had to go through anything remotely close to this, and I couldn’t even imagine what it was going to be like for the kids; how much their lives were going to change from the instant we said the words: “We’re getting a divorce….” The years of therapy they’d spend talking to a psychologist about how I’m the root of all of their problems in life (which will likely happen divorce or no divorce).
For days I cried, and cried…and then cried some more. I stressed, and stressed…and then stressed some more; because I knew that however I did it, this was something they’d remember for the rest of their lives.
Because I was dealing with two older children and two younger ones, I thought it would be best to tell them at different times so I could handle two different kinds of questions that I knew I probably wasn’t going to be able to answer the right way anyway.
I talked to the older kids first.
I walked down the hallway to my oldest’s bedroom where the two were playing video games (a rare moment where they were actually getting along). I stood in the doorway and asked them to pause the Xbox for a minute.
Not giving myself the chance to back out, I blurted, “We’re getting a divorce,” and I braced myself for the tears and the screams of “Why God? Why?” Because after all, they are my children and they have my tendency to be a little on the dramatic side. There weren’t any tears though. It was just quiet. I thought that maybe they were expecting me to say something else. So I did.
“It just wasn’t working out,” I said. “So your dad’s gonna be moving into his own apartment.”
“We’re still friends though!” I rushed to add. I thought it was important that among all things, they knew that.
I waited for them to respond. They both stared at me, and then the younger one finally spoke.
“Can we un-pause the game now?”
It definitely wasn’t the question I was expecting, but I was relieved that at least it was one that I could answer.
“I guess. Go ahead,” I told them. “Just don’t say anything to the little ones. I haven’t talked to them about it yet.” By that time they were already mesmerized by Madden again.
I didn’t chalk that one up as a success for me, but I was glad it was out of the way. The only problem was that I knew the two younger children were next.
I waited a couple of days to talk to them. In part because I needed to give myself a mental break, but I also wanted to wait for the weekend when I’d have more time with them to dry their tears and help them process all of their emotions; even though I hadn’t been very good at processing my own.
Once again I walked down that hallway not knowing what to expect after I said those words.
I can’t say that I even remember what came out of my mouth to start the conversation, but I’m sure that whatever it was, it probably wasn’t the best thing that could’ve been said at the time. The important thing was that I said it. It was out there.
“What does divorce mean?” my daughter asked.
“It means that mommy and daddy won’t be married anymore.”
“Do you have a boyfriend? Because I don’t want two moms and two dads.” That was my son; always one to cut the crap and get straight to the matter at hand.
“Nobody is getting married again right away. You don’t need to worry about that right now,” I assured him. But what I needed was someone to assure me, because all of a sudden I was freaking out on the inside, terrified at the thought of being replaced.We talked a little about how daddy and mommy were still friends; how they’d still see him all of the time and other important things that I can’t quite recall.
I do remember, however, that there weren’t any tears. No “Why God? Why’s.”
There was only one more question: “What’s for dinner?” Dinner. All of this going on and they wanted to know about dinner.
Did I do it wrong or something? Should I have made it out to be a bigger deal than I did? And what is for dinner? Later, as I was cooking, I thought about it all over and over again.
Why weren’t they broken up about this like I was? Why didn’t they have all the questions that I had?
I’d like to think that a large part of it was that I might have actually done something right. But I think there was also something those little people knew that I hadn’t yet figured out. In all of my obsessing over what went wrong in the marriage and whose fault it was, I didn’t realize that I couldn’t spend my time dwelling on things. It happened. We got a divorce. But life goes on.
Madden has to be played. Dinner has to be made.
As the days have gone by, there have been questions. I know there will probably be many more. And it’s likely that I may not always have the answers. But that’s okay. We’ll get through it. We’ve made it this far, and we’ll go even further as we live our lives. And as for whether I did it wrong or not– only time and their therapy bills will tell.
Indiana sports fans will never forget Stephen Jackson’s name. You may remember he was one of the Indiana Pacers involved in the now infamous (and arguably justified) Malice at The Palace brawl when a Detroit Pistons fan threw beer, chairs and other things on him and his teammates while he was on the court.
But now, his name is in the headlines once again, this time for a more personal matter. Jackson has asked a judge to dismiss his wife’s petition for a divorce because he’s still blowing her back out.
Naw, he didn’t say that. I’m just very fond of that phrase. But the general message is still the same. In legal documents obtained by TMZ, Jackson said that the judge shouldn’t grant the divorce because his wife, Renata Jackson, is just attempting to collect a prenup payout even though they still do the things married couples do.
Jackson says that under the terms of their prenup, the payout she’d receive would be based on his net worth at the time when she initially filed for divorce in 2013. He was playing in the NBA at the time so the sum to be dispersed would be much greater than his current net worth, now that he’s left the league.
Jackson’s documents state that the marriage wasn’t over when she filed in 2013 and isn’t over now because they’re still having sex…on a regular.
Not only are they having sex, Jackson, who married Renata in 2009, said that they still take vacations together. They’ve been to the Bahamas, Cancun and Jamaica.
In the documents, Jackson’s attorney concluded “Despite filing for divorce, [Renata] continued her relationship with [Stephen] in an effort to ‘have her cake and eat it too.'”
I don’t know what is truly motivating Renata but, unlike several of the commenters on the TMZ article, I was not surprised by the fact that she is still sleeping with her estranged husband.
It happens all the time. If you watched “Married At First Sight,” you saw Vaughn and Monet bicker and fight with each other all throughout the day only to get it all the way in once they went to bed. Despite their sexual chemistry, they still ended up getting a divorce.
There was a whole movie, starring Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin, where a divorced couple couldn’t seem to stop having sex with each other, though they both knew a relationship between the two of them would never work out.
My own mother, in a rather random moment of confession, told me and my sister that should she and my father ever get divorced, she would still have sex with him. Primarily because she knows him and he knows her and she wouldn’t be ready or even interested in building and sharing that type of intimacy with another person.
While I’ve never been married, I can understand the mentality. We all know sex doesn’t equal love. And, to take it a step further, loving someone doesn’t mean you should be together. So with that in mind, I can certainly see how a woman would want to continue sleeping with the man she loved, knew and was comfortable with, even if the relationship is over on paper.
It doesn’t make the best sense in the context of healing and moving on but we’ve all done some pretty stupid things either the name of love or in the name of scratching an itch.
And in the instance of Stephen and Renata Jackson, it doesn’t seem like either one of them really want a divorce. It would be one thing if Renata was just letting Stephen get a little goodbye taste every once in a while; but the fact that she’s vacationing with dude, makes me think a part of her wants to work it out. Do you know how terrible it is to vacation with someone you can’t stand?!
As for Stephen, even though he claims that Renata is just trying to get at his money, he still doesn’t want the judge to grant her a divorce.
These two are funny. And hopefully they come to some type of agreement.
But back to you, would you consider sleeping with an ex or an estranged husband?
At some point, folks really need to start thinking about their happiness.
I am in no way an expert on marriage, but I do know a thing or two about healthy and happy relationships. I’m blessed to say my guy and I have been together for seven years and are coming up on our third wedding anniversary. As a child of divorce, it was a bit difficult at first to navigate our life as husband and wife given I didn’t have the best example growing up. Even with my parents’ split, I’m happy they did what they could to put their differences aside and develop a healthy co-parenting partnership that was void of drama.
I just wish some people in my camp would get it together. I’m really tired of hearing about the same old problems.
We have a close family friend who has been married to his wife for five years — and for five years he has done nothing but complain about his situation. Come to think of it, the brother was complaining before he got married which should have been a red flag. Aside from being annoying (he’s a grown man who married younger), we all can’t help but wonder why he’s staying with his wife if she’s really that bad. From what we know, she doesn’t cook, clean or enjoy physical encounters if you know what I mean. After several failed attempts to reignite their flame through therapy, nothing appears to be working. The two have a child together, which I think is one of the main reasons he’s trying so hard to stick it out. Even though he makes more money and their home is his, he thinks she will take their son away and he won’t get equal custody or visitation. He’s also nervous she’ll take him to the cleaners.
Is it really cheaper to keep her–or him if the roles were reversed?
I always thought that concept applied to folks who made some serious money, but I guess not. It’s one thing to try and stay in a relationship for the sake of your child, but in most cases, that can do more harm than good–considering how unhealthy the relationship will become over time. My father has two marriages under his belt with the last costing him dearly. Even though he knew in the back of his head he shouldn’t have said “I do,” he made the decision to couple up with a woman who had no problems expressing her love for gold (to say the least). While their divorce set him back financially — to the point of almost filing for bankruptcy — he knew his sanity and well-being were more important. After years of saving, he’s currently enjoying the retired life in a new home free of debt… and my former stepmother.
If there was ever a moral to this story, it’s to figure out how compatible you are with someone before you get into a marriage. In addition to their quarrels and arguments, these two don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to finances. He saves, she spends. Money is one of the top reasons why folks split, but apparently it could be the thing keeping these two together. Sometimes financial backlash is an investment worth taking–especially if you have the time and will to better your situation.
Who knows what will happen to these two. Hopefully others won’t make the same mistakes, or at least learn from them should they happen. Here are some reads that might help in this arena: