Are You Dating the Same Guy Repeatedly?

February 28, 2011  |  

It’s said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. It is slightly disheartening to watch your girlfriends jump into committed relationships with the same type of guys, only to expect a different outcome each time.  But once you realize you are just as guilty for what I like to call, dating the same guy with a different name, it’s a whole new ball game.

Reflecting on past relationships reveals a great deal about you. One need only reflect on past relationships to gain perspective on the flaws you brought to the table, or how you contributed to the eventual break-up. Analyzing certain characteristics- good and bad- that always appeal to you, is also beneficial in trying to pin point the type of relationship you desire. If the characteristics you always go for are leading to heartbreak after heartbreak, it is probably time to stop dating the same type of guy.

In some way or another most of us have a certain type of man or woman we would prefer to date.  Having a type isn’t the problem. The problem arises when the type of man or woman you fall for never quite works out for you.

If you find yourself always falling for emotionally unavailable guys, but only end up getting played in the end, maybe it is time for you to move on from emotionally unavailable types. Perhaps you have a fixation for a made man. You don’t really care how he earns his money as long as he has lots of it to spend on you. But you eventually realize men who live the “baller” life are left with endless possibilities when it comes to women. Somehow you don’t understand why you can’t trust him, but you keep going from baller to baller. It may be time to give up the aspirations of settling down with someone who is living a lifestyle not likely to lead to fidelity.

It has been suggested that women are masochists who actually enjoy the dysfunction or pain of bad relationships. I wouldn’t take it that far; as the statement is a sweeping generalization, but maybe there is some merit in the idea that some women (and men) are clinging to a formula that has repeatedly yielded the same bad results.

I’ve always wondered why it seems women struggle the most with knowing our self-worth. At the core, self-love and self-worth are at the root of why we choose the partners we choose. Finding out your mate is not the person you thought he or she was, is totally different from believing every ex is not the person you hoped them to be.

This does not apply to all women. I know this because of the countless women I know who are successful in selecting men that fit their criteria. And just because the relationship didn’t work out does not mean it ended in a bad way. It could be a case of two people just not being meant for one another.

But for the women like myself who have realized dating the same guy with a different name has been unsuccessful, leading to more bad memories than good, we have to go back to the drawing board. Remember the definition. Loving the same type of man over and over again expecting different results- you already know what that’s called.

Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Rebuilding

    I wouldn’t call it insanity. It’s more that we can’t really control who we choose because of who we’ve become. There are a lot of influences from the past that affect us unknowingly.

    The first step is realizing that pattern.

    The next is trying to find out why you have it in the first place.

    This article about repetitious relationships explains it better, if your interested. http://www.psychalive.org/2011/04/why-you-keep-wi

  • Men do this too.

  • Pingback: Are You Dating the Same Guy Repeatedly? | Fearless Magazine()

  • dramafree

    OMG! I was doing that for so many years. All the relationships I had (mother,family,men, girlfriends) . I was a mess, my life was a mess .Things were really bad. I was a save a HO! I had a need to save everybody. But no one saved me from anything.

    I lost a ton of friends along with family when I dicided to save me for a change. My life now is awesome, I get to travel and just live life. I found the love of my life and we both are drama free. I didn't even bother to give my family or dramatic dishonest stabby type chicks, and the sorry men I use to be drawn to my new address . We've decided to keep it like this !

  • lacquerglamour

    That is exactly why at this point in my life I choose to be single. I have a need to be a fixer (in all aspects of my life not just relationships), and I always end up with guys with serious issues. but there is always a need for me to want to help them feel better about themselves and life in general. I ain't a psychiatrist! I need to figure out why I keep picking the same type of men, and rectify the problem before getting into another relationship.

  • win

    This article is honest and I applaud you for writing it. Me, and many of my friends unfortunately fall into the category of dating a repetious man. Sure his looks change from time to time, but his level seems to remain the same all of the time. The fear of being hurt, rejected, and cheated on are reasons why a dating upgrade hasn't happened in my life yet.
    As a Black woman fighting for my family, my children, my career, my future; dating the same man has just been safe. I know how it's going to end, and I can emotionally handle it.
    Sad but true…..