While recently watching the movie Something Borrowed starring Kate Hudson, I couldn’t help but to watch in awe as one friend secretly dated her best friend’s fiancé behind her back. While I get the writers’ point of attempting to make a romantic chick flick (and in their defense it was actually a cute movie), I immediately knew that the two writers of the movie weren’t aware, or didn’t care, about the girlfriend codes.
While one of my friends suggested that the characters in the film, and presumably the writers, lacked a bit of melanin to their skin that might possibly excuse them from understanding the codes, I was still shocked that any close friend, no matter what color or ethnic background, would find it acceptable to date a friend’s fiancé and automatically expect forgiveness from her hurt homie. Sure, you may have once had a thing for the guy, but that’s HER man!
The girlfriend codes, although unspoken, are those ultimate no-no’s and the most important musts that are required amongst girlfriends; and while each friendship has its own custom set of unspoken rules, most girls would agree on these six specific codes.
Code #1: Never cancel important plans with your girls for a man
You just met someone who you hope turns out to be your next boo. He wants to take you out on the same night that your friend invited you to a ‘girls only’ function at her house that she’s planned for months. Although you love the girls only functions, suddenly hanging out with a group of single women doesn’t seem so appealing. Does this mean you cancel your plans with your girls to go out with your new potential boo? Absolutely not.
Because your friends have been planning the event for a while, and you really could go out with your new guy another day, it’s understood that your girls should definitely come first. Right?
Code #2: Serious conversations between you and your girls should remain confidential…even to your man
You may tell your man almost everything, but certain conversations, especially the serious ones between you and your girls, shouldn’t be repeated. Some women may try to justify this reasoning by saying that they’re not repeating the conversation to another girlfriend; but either way, telling your friends’ business is wrong, even to your man. Chances are, he may not want to hear it anyway, but that doesn’t mean he won’t tell someone else…
Code #3: Your Girlfriends’ Ex Can’t Be Your Next
Unless that’s how you and your friends roll, in which you definitely are a special case, dating a close friend’s ex is deemed unacceptable in most cases. While it may work out perfectly fine in the movies, it’s a whole different story off-screen.
Code #4: Be a Shoulder To Cry On, Even When You Want To Say ‘I Told You So’
You’ve listened to her complain about the same no good man, but you’ve also seen her go back to him just as quickly as she left. You warned her that the situation wasn’t good for her and that she could possibly end up hurt. She listened; but as most grown women usually do, she did exactly what she wanted to do. Still, no matter how many times you’ve warned your girlfriend about no good men or problematic situations, when she needs a shoulder to cry on, you’re expected to be there for her while refraining from saying, ‘I told you so’…at least for that moment.
Code #5: If You Come Together, You Leave Together
Girlfriends don’t leave girlfriends in unknown places or situations. Even as grown women, it’s understood if you came together, you leave together if in an unfamiliar place. I’m sure you would hate for something bad to happen to your girlfriend because you were too thirsty to get out of the club with a new, hot prospect.
Code #6: Be the Type Of Friend That You Want
Just like a relationship with your man, friendships require just as much work, commitment and honesty. Well, maybe not as much; but still, they require work. Being the type of girlfriend that you want in your life should be self-explanatory, but some women expect so much from their girls, but only give a fraction of that in return. If you know you would want someone listening to your complaints of your boss and your dissatisfaction with your man, then this is the type of behavior you should mimic and not just be. Unlike relationships with men, your friends shouldn’t have to tell you what type of girlfriend you should be.