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Club hopping is great for listening to new music and mingling with fresh faces, but if you spend enough time shaking booties and bumping uglies, you wonder if the nightlife offers anything substantial. Finding someone in a “meet” market is easy. Finding a guy with long-term potential in the night life circuit is a harder prospect altogether. The atmosphere of densely packed, alcohol-fueled bars, clubs and lounges promote superficial connections between people. The music is loud so verbal communication is kept to a minimum. Men jockey and posture to be seen many women. Ladies strut, bounce and flip hair to get noticed by guys, hoping that someone is her “type.” Not that you would necessarily know if he was.

In a club, everyone becomes a music video version of themselves making it nearly impossible to have an authentic connection. Mix in a few cocktails to lower your inhibitions (sometimes a good thing) — then comes the deteriorated reasoning capability, so you just end up feeling good about the bad decisions you’re making.

Don’t get me wrong — it’s a good time but not if you’re ending in the same tired ol’ scene for lack of a better option. The nightlife circuit emphasizes quantity over quality. But the latter is what you really want: Someone who understands you. A man intrigued by your mind and excited by your personal brand of cool. Someone worthy of your time and commitment and willing to share his own.Finding that kind of quality in a relationship is as much about who you are, and what you project, as it is about someone else. When you’re happy, confident and secure in who you are as an individual, you’re more likely to attract a man who matches your outlook and energy.

So pass on bars, clubs and lounges as a place to meet Mr. someone special and take that little light of yours and shine it in these special ways to find someone unique. Alcohol is optional.

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