Problems You Shouldn’t Have In A New Relationship
The beginning of a relationship is supposed to be easy. You both have these hormones surging through you that make everything feel so light, easy, radiant, and exciting. You’re walking on cloud nine. Life somehow feels better than usual—it’s like life supreme. You’re supposed to brush off little things that would normally bother you in the beginning of a relationship. In fact, the crazy chemicals flowing through your brain from the sex and love high make you oblivious to things that would typically drive you nuts. So if you’re fighting in the beginning of a relationship, you should be concerned. How are you going to be when the high of the new relationship wears off? If you’re fighting now, you may have an all-out war down the line. Here are problems you just shouldn’t have in the beginning of a relationship.
Cancelling at the last minute, failing to schedule things in advance, double booking—things like this should not happen in the beginning of a relationship. If somebody cannot just work you into their calendar or give you a simple yes or no answer about dinner now, then he’ll be a ghost of a partner down the line.
Making time for each other
In general, if a new relationship is healthy and on the right track, you make time for each other, even if there isn’t any. You lose a couple of hours of sleep if those hours are the only time you can be together. Being together a lot, in the beginning, is how you build the foundation of this thing. Once you’re bonded, you can get back to a more normal schedule (that involves seeing friends and your family and coming up for air from your love shack).
You can’t build a relationship with somebody who takes days to respond to a text, doesn’t answer voicemails, and just generally sucks at the phone. Again, later in the relationship, your attentions might be drawn back to things like your career and friends, and you could slip up in the texting/calling department. But if you’re bickering in a new relationship about phone etiquette, this thing doesn’t stand a chance.
Being a little too honest
Once you’ve been with someone for a few years, you may start to be a little more honest with him about, well, him. And, likewise, your long-term boyfriend can be more openly critical of you. But it’s not normal for a boyfriend of three months to criticize you. This is a time when the love hormones are supposed to make you look perfect to each other. If this guy is critical now, he’ll be a downright a**hole in the future.
Not enough sex
It’s normal to let your sex life decline after being together for years. You have a deeper bond holding you together, so you can afford to go without sex for weeks at a time. But in a new relationship, having lots of sex is part of the critical chemical bonding. Your hormonal drive to have sex should overpower your desire for things like sleep. If that hormonal drive isn’t very strong, and you’re opting for sleep instead of sex, then you’re probably just with the wrong person.
Bumping heads with your friends
Your boyfriend isn’t going to like all of your friends, or agree with all of your friends. But a new boyfriend sucks it up, bites his tongue, and gets along with your friends even if he doesn’t like them. If your new boo is bumping heads with your friends, I’m sorry but, he’s a jerk! He doesn’t care about developing a friendship with them. Being “right” in an argument is more important.
Core value disagreements
Do not write off disagreements about core values. These can include things like how you treat homeless people, what place family should hold in your life, and the significance of money. If you have heated arguments about your core values and beliefs, you’re in for a difficult relationship. It doesn’t matter if you have the same sense of humor if, ultimately, you don’t think your partner is a good person.
Selfishness about activities
You’re supposed to be so excited about being together in the beginning that you’ll do anything just to hang out. So if your brand spanking new partner won’t go with you to a museum because it’s “not his thing,” something is off. Aren’t you his thing? So isn’t anything he would do with you be his thing? It should be.
Just wanting to watch TV
After you’ve been together for a long time, you’ll have nights when you just want to come home, turn on the TV, and not talk. That’s okay because your bond has been established. But you shouldn’t find yourself watching Netflix and not speaking on a Friday night four months into a relationship.
Making no effort on date night
Planning elaborate and unique dates for five years straight just isn’t plausible. But doing so for five months is not only plausible—it’s mandatory! If you feel that your boo puts little effort into dates, just half a year into a relationship, you’re in for a real dud of a time later.
Going MIA during a disagreement
We aren’t at our best during disagreements. And, once you’ve been together for a while, you lose the energy to be mature during fights. So you might just walk out the door, or go get drunk with friends when you’re fighting with your partner. But this type of behavior shouldn’t happen in a new relationship. You should still have the motivation to work out fights in a new relationship.
Putting you last
You can’t put each other first all of the time. In fact, it’s important that you have a balanced life, and give your family and friends attention, too. But putting each other first in the beginning of a relationship is kind of an important part of forming a bond. So if you always come last for your boyfriend of half a year, that’s a problem. How are you supposed to build a foundation, and help each other see that you’ll always have each other’s backs?
If you’re fighting about your future, like whether or not to have kids, where to live, who will work if you have kids, how much to spend on a house and so on…well, that’s just odd. Why are you talking about this a few months into a relationship? You all are moving too fast.
Losing patience/temper quickly
You’re supposed to have nearly unlimited patience for a new partner. Remember all of those lovey-dovey hormones and chemicals? They’re supposed to soothe you into complacency and wanting to see the good in everything your partner does. So if your boyfriend loses his temper with you a few months in, that means he has some anger problems. Those will only be worse later.
Any problems, really
You really shouldn’t be fighting much in a new relationship. If you are, then you’re just in the wrong relationship. You know you don’t have to stay with every guy you have fun and good sex with for a few months, right? If things turn sour early, you should probably recognize that this person’s not right for you.