Funny Things That Put Women In The Mood
What puts women in the mood? Well, first off, you have to ask yourself what puts women in a good mood and you’re on the right track. If you’re surprised that the expensive prime rib and wine you picked up isn’t doing it for her, or the plane tickets you got her don’t have her rearing to go, you’re probably barking up the wrong tree. We are both far more complex, but also far more simple than that. A very specific set of events make women feel attractive—make us feel like we have our lives together and like we want to physically connect. Stop listening to people telling you it’s about roses or chocolate. They’re lost and confused. Here are funny but true events that put women in the mood, so pay attention for them.
Getting a really cute outfit
If your girlfriend is coming home from shopping at a certain time, be there. And let her model all of her new clothes let her explain to you why she needed them and let her tell you all the ways she plans on wearing them. Something about just finding a pair of jeans and top that fit perfectly makes us feel amazing about our bodies.
When your partner bleaches the bathtubs/toilets
We don’t need a room with silk sheets and wispy curtains. We don’t need candles. We need bathtubs and toilets so clean we can do our makeup using our reflection in them. Sparkly clean bathrooms send blood rushing to all the right places.
Watching “Sex and the City”
What do you expect? When we watch four women have sex and talk about sex for hours during a binge-watching session of “Sex and the City?” Not to mention all of the sex tips those women swap in the show. Men: don’t be so hard on that show. Be grateful for it.
When your partner needs to leave for work
I don’t know why, but whenever the worst moment is for our partners to have sex—like when they’re deeply distracted by some project on their laptop or they need to run out the door for work—that’s the best moment for us. They’re just so cute when they’re stressed out!
Talking sh*t about someone else’s relationship
Do you want to know why exactly your girlfriend comes back from girls’ night so horny? It’s because she and her girlfriends spend girls’ night talking about how sh*tty this one couple’s relationship is, or what a hard time this one woman is having finding somebody. Your partner feels pretty great about herself and your relationship when she comes home from a night like that.
Double dates with a couple who fights
Here’s another event that makes you look really good in your partner’s eyes: a double date, with a couple who gets in a fight. She’s high on a sense of superiority when you get back from a double date in which you two got along perfectly, and the other two bickered all night.
Visiting their family
Having stew with your 90-year-old grandpa may not put you in the mood to do the deed, but meeting your family puts your partner in the mood. It gets her visualizing the family you two could build together, and that gets all the right hormones moving in her body. Plus, there’s just something kinky about doing it in your childhood bedroom.
When their partner baby talk dogs
I could listen to a man baby talk a dog all day. Some man should just record an hour-long album of him saying cute nonsense to dogs. Now that should be in whatever section of the music store sells sexy music. Oh, and if my partner gives me a cute report on the things our dog did on their walk, I’m done for.
When they see you perform
If we have some creative outlet, whether that’s singing, doing standup, reading poetry or dancing, we feel invigorated after doing it. And we feel especially alive if our partner watches us. Having you watch us do our passion makes us feel extra connected to you. So yes—go to your partner’s open mic poetry night. You’ll be rewarded.
Losing one pound
Yup, it’s a little nuts, but we feel pretty damn hot when the scale shows a number that’s just slightly smaller than yesterday’s number. If we lose one pound, we swear we can see six-pack abs, a perky butt and toned arms on our bodies. Even if we didn’t see any of that when we were one pound heavier.
Being hit on by other men
We may complain about other men hitting on us at bars, but you might also notice that on those same nights, we want to have sex. They did give us a pretty good ego boost after all…
Here’s a great date idea: take your girlfriend to the container store. Help her pick out special shelves and boxes that will let her organize every single knick-knack she owns. Then go home and keep her company while she goes all “Beautiful Mind” on her new boxes. When she’s done tidying up, she’ll want to get dirty.
Telling someone off
We feel so empowered after we tell somebody off. If we witness a social injustice at the grocery store, or just deal with a creep at a bar, and we give them a speech TV writers would be proud of, we come home with a head full of steam and panties full of…never mind.
If your partner tells you she shaved that day, drink some Gatorade, have a protein-filled snack and get ready to get nasty. We do not like to let a good shaving job go to waste.
Moroccan oil is on sale
Hey, do you have any idea how expensive that stuff can be? But when we have it in our possession, we feel like all of our hair problems are solved for life. We feel like those women who are really good at being women and have all the best products in their bathroom.