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Russell Simmons’ Netflix’s Def Comedy Jam 25 Special Event at The Beverly Hilton – Arrivals
Featuring: Amanda Seales
Where: Los Angeles, California, United States
When: 10 Sep 2017
Credit: Eugene Powers/

Credit: Eugene Powers/

The promise of unconditional love sounds beautiful when heard spoken between a man and wife exchanging vows, but in real life — well, it sounds good but is it practical? Furthermore, is it even reasonable to demand? If you ask Amanda Seales, the woman who can speak a word about everything from racism to relationships, that answer is a hell no.

The actress shared her thoughts on the matter on IG stories which she later uploaded to Twitter earlier this week. Taking particular issue with men who expect their girl to love them like their mamas do, Amanda explained, “The reality is it’s not the same relationship and it shouldn’t be; your girl didn’t birth you. There shouldn’t be an unconditional exchange. The exchange is fair when it’s conditional and you have control of those conditions.”


Taking it back to the basic principle of humanity — treating others how you want to be treated — Amanda said “To expect someone to love you regardless of how you treat them or yourself or other people is not only ridiculous and self-centered, it’s actually irrational. That’s the unconditional love you expect from ya mama, but guess what? Ya mama ain’t suckin’ your dick.”

If there was a mic in the room, that would be the point when it dropped. It’s not enough that women have to attempt to live up to men’s unrealistic physical needs of being nurtured the way their mothers nurtured them — you know cooking, cleaning, washing his damn drawls — but there’s also this incredibly selfish expectation that women are supposed to love men through their shortcomings no matter how much pain they cause us. And like Amanda said, while your mama might be able to do that because she gave birth to you, a romantic partner, however, is hardly obligated to do so. In fact, tolerating a man no matter how destructive and toxic his behavior is is in direct conflict with loving yourself.

Conditional love is self-love. When coming from a place of integrity, conditional love is a declaration of the kind of love you deserve and the type of behavior you won’t tolerate and no one should be made to feel wrong for establishing boundaries in their relationship. Men: Your woman is not your mama and if you want to keep her, you better meet her conditions.

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