What The “How Well Do You Know Your Fiance” Quiz Should Really Look Like
If you’ve ever been to a bridal shower then you’ve likely witnessed the, “How well do you know your significant other?” game. It’s usually filled with questions like, “How does your partner take his coffee?” and “What was the name of your partner’s first pet?” If the bride knows the answers, that means she definitely pays attention when her fiancé speaks, but does it really mean she knows him? Does she know how he ticks, what his drives are in life, what his greatest fears are, and what sort of behavior she can expect from him ten, twenty years from now? Now that I lay those out, they sound pretty important, don’t they? I know the quiz is supposed to be fun and playful, and perhaps the public one at the bridal shower should stay that way. But when the couple is in private, they should edit the game. Here is what the “How well do you know your fiancé?” quiz should actually look like.
Where does he want to retire?
If your fiancé is dead set on winding up in a rural area in middle America one day, but you always saw yourself retiring by the beach, that’s something you should probably talk about before you’re approaching retirement.
What would he never forgive you for?
You’ve never done this thing, or else you wouldn’t be together today. But you should know what that thing is. You never know where someone is coming from, or what they’ve been through, that could cause them to have a very specific thing for which they could never forgive you. Isn’t that important information to have?
Does he have any debt?
So long as he’s been able to split the rent and utilities with you, go out for dinner from time to time and afford vacation, you may have never seen any reason to look into your partner’s finances. But you should know if he has some major debt that would prevent him from qualifying for a loan for, say, a home.
In what faith does he want to raise children?
You both come from different religions, and neither of you is necessarily devout. But that doesn’t mean that, should you have children, your partner won’t want to become devout. Religion could suddenly take a central seat in your lives if you have kids, and you should talk about that before you’re pregnant.
How does he feel about prenups?
It’s not a fun subject, but it’s one worth talking about. Does your partner believe in prenups? If so, what would those prenups say? Would they expire after a certain amount of time? How much time? And why does he want one? Or not want one?
Has he ever been to therapy?
Your partner doesn’t owe you full details as to why he went to therapy, but if there has been some major event in his life that put him in therapy, that’s something you should know about. If something sent your partner to therapy, that was a life-altering event.
What does he consider cheating?
This is a pretty big one! Would your partner leave you for kissing someone else? Sending flirtatious messages to someone else? Or, perhaps, simply not telling a man who was sending you flirtatious messages to stop? You don’t want to be caught off guard if your partner leaves you, all because you didn’t tell a flirty coworker to leave you alone.
Has he ever been engaged or married before?
Hopefully, you know if your partner has ever been married before. But you may not know if he’s been engaged before. People can feel very ashamed of broken engagements, and since they aren’t actual marriages, they can keep them a secret. But you should know what made your partner decide not to spend his life with someone—someone whom he almost married.
What does he do when he is under stress?
It’s important to recognize your partner’s behavior when he’s under stress. He may not tell you he’s under so much stress that he needs to be left alone, so you have to identify that on your own. And he should know the same about you!
What’s his worst characteristic?
Not only should you know what your partner’s worst characteristic is, but you should also know if he is aware of it, if he is willing to work on it, and if you are willing to work with him on it. Also, will you stay with him if he can never fix it?
What’s his ultimate career goal?
Your partner’s career goals say a lot about him, and they give you some guidelines on what he will prioritize in life. They also tell you a bit about the type of partner and parent he can be one day. Some careers are incredibly time-consuming and stressful. You should know if you’re signing up for a life with someone who will often have to travel, work late at night, and just not be available to you and your children.
Would he ever enlist in a war?
Surprise! You probably didn’t see that one coming! But the world is not exactly stable right now, so it’s something you should discuss, especially if you’re going to have children.
How important is sex to him?
If sex and intimacy are one and the same to your partner, that’s important for you to know. Should you always offer to stay late at work, or say yes to every happy hour invite with friends, that could mean you don’t have much sex with your partner and—for him—your bond could diminish.
What is his least favorite living habit of yours?
You can’t be the perfect roommate, and you only have so much time and energy to tighten up some of your less-than-great habits. Shouldn’t you know which one should take priority?
What does marriage mean to him?
You should both discuss what marriage means to you. How does your relationship change? What are your responsibilities to each other? What does this commitment represent? It’s a good conversation to have before walking down the isle.