Signs You Still Don’t Think You’re Worth A Great Relationship
In life, you tend to get the things you believe you deserve. Whether it’s the type of jobs, friends or romantic partners you have, you attract the quality that you think you deserve. And why shouldn’t you? If it doesn’t seem like you believe you should have that great promotion, why should your boss think you should have it? Why would someone trust you with something when your behavior clearly screams, “I’m not worthy of this—I don’t know what to do with this?” The same goes for your relationships. Men can sense when you believe you should have a great relationship, and when you don’t. You’ve probably heard the saying, “Water seeks its own level” but if you haven’t, it means that people are drawn to those similar to them. If you don’t believe you’re worthy of a great partner, then you will attract less-than-great partners. Here are signs you still don’t think you’re worthy of a great relationship.
You assume the worst
If a man you’re really into doesn’t call when he says he will or has to reschedule a date, you immediately assume it’s because he saw something about you. He must have detected that you’re just deeply flawed and won’t make a good partner. He must be ghosting you. He must be giving you the slow fade.
And you’re okay with the worst
Not only do you assume the worst, but you’re okay with it. You don’t even feel sad or surprised if a man you really like ghosts you. Deep down, you expect to lose the things you want the most. Deep down, you don’t believe your story will end with you getting what you want.
You can’t imagine a stress-free relationship
Some friends tell you that good relationships are supposed to be easy. That seems completely foreign to you. You’ve only had relationships in which you and your partner constantly had to hash things out, and everything felt like an uphill battle. Your relationships are always a tremendous amount of work.
You can’t imagine dating your best friend
No one you’ve ever dated has felt like your friend. If you aren’t sure whether or not you’ve ever dated someone who also felt like your best friend, then you haven’t. And that means you don’t select men who really get you, through and through.
You date men who only see one part of you
You’ve had to heighten certain parts of your personality and hide the others to make your partners happy. For example, maybe you’ve dated men who only liked you when you were sweet, patient and demure. So you never showed them the sides of you that are tough, assertive and impatient. You play a role to make your relationships work.
You avoid men to whom you’re attracted
If you walk into a room and one man instantly grabs your attention, that’s the one man you don’t talk to the rest of the night. Your subconscious tells you, “That’s the person I want the most and so that’s the person things wouldn’t work out with. May as well avoid him.”
You have dreams about some elusive love
You regularly have dreams about some entity—maybe it’s a person or some ethereal moving ball of light—and you know that entity represents the way you should feel in relationships or your perfect partner. In your dreams, you are constantly chasing this entity, or losing it. You wake up from these dreams feeling very sad. This is your brain’s way of telling you that, currently, you’re behaving in a way that keeps a great relationship beyond your reach.
You compromise too much
If you had to be honest, you would admit that you compromise too much in relationships. You’ve done things that went against your values. You’ve let your career and friendships suffer to make the relationship work. You’ve lost yourself in relationships because you thought that was the only way to get someone to love you.
You get happiness everywhere but your relationship
If you think about the times you’ve been in relationships, everything else in your life made you happy—but not that relationship. Your friendships, career, hobbies, and family were these shiny, happy balls of light and your relationship was this dull thing that made everything else darker.
Wedding vows never resonate with you
Vows about how there could be nobody else in the world but that person, how God put them together, how that person is their best friend, how that person lifts them up…none of that resonates with you. Not even close.
You talk yourself into your relationships
You’ve had to talk yourself into relationships. You’ve used your brain to decide a relationship was a good thing. But here’s the thing: when a relationship is great, you don’t need to talk yourself into it.
People often ask, “Are you happy?”
Your friends and family often ask you, with concern in their voice and the subtext you can be honest with me, “Are you happy?” And when you say you are, they suspiciously say, “Okay…” But they clearly do not believe you. Even if you can’t see that you’re unhappy, everybody else can.
You accept insecurity as part of love
You believe that feeling insecure is a part of every relationship. Everyone in a relationship wonders if their partner actually loves them, right? Everyone wonders if their partner wishes they were different/better/more attractive, right? Sorry, but no. When you’re in a great relationship, you feel so fully embraced and loved. You don’t second guess it.
Your other relationships are sub-par
If you have friends that don’t treat you well, or about whom you’re just not that excited; if you have a job you aren’t passionate about; if you’ve never liked the way your family treated you…you probably don’t believe you’re worthy of a great romantic relationship.
You feel very nervous about dates
If you don’t think you’re worthy of a great relationship, then you probably don’t trust yourself on dates. You don’t trust yourself to say what you want, to show who you really are, or to write someone off who clearly isn’t great for you. Dates are things you survive—not things you enjoy.