Once a child comes into the picture, the things a single mom looks for in a partner change drastically. Single moms can’t take test runs and have trial periods with men as freely as women who don’t have children. Keep in mind that every time a single mom goes on a date she has to come up with some explanation to give her child, she needs to find a babysitter, and she runs the risk of her child meeting the man she’s going out with. Dating for single moms isn’t as simple as deciding which eyeshadow reflects their mood anymore. If you’re a man who is interested in a single mother, or you know that you’d be willing to date a single mother if one came along, then there are some things you should know. Here are dating deal breakers for single moms.
You’ve only taken care of yourself
It is very difficult for a woman who bases every micro decision she makes on the wellbeing of another person to relate to someone who has never had to take anyone else into account in his choices. Not even a cat or a plant.
You’re too spontaneous
Showing up, buying surprise tickets to events and booking surprise hotel rooms won’t work for a single mom, and it shows her that you need a level of spontaneity in your life that she absolutely cannot give you. You need to communicate with single moms about their schedules, their children’s schedules, and their energy levels before making any sort of plans.
You can’t handle her relationship with the father
If you can’t accept the fact that the single mom has a relationship with the father of her child, then she’ll never accept you. The kid’s dad isn’t going anywhere, and the mom isn’t going to put up with constant fighting over that.
You’ve been divorced more than once
Everybody misjudges situations sometimes. The single mother, after all, had a child with someone it turned out she didn’t want to be with. So if you have one divorce, okay. But if you have several, that screams a lack of self-knowledge on your part, and single moms can’t risk dating you.
You have problematic friends
Friends who have been to jail, drink too much, use drugs, constantly need to borrow money from you and are generally humans the single mom hopes her child never has to meet.
You have a strained relationship with your family
A single mother probably values family bonds—she is building some very important ones of her own right now. If she is bending over backward to have a relationship with her child, and the child’s father, she can’t quite understand why you can’t get along with your family.
You’re especially nasty to your mom
How would a single mother ever date a man who is mean to his own mother? That means you disrespect a group of women she belongs to.
You freak out if she doesn’t respond to a text quickly enough or can’t give an immediate RSVP to an invitation. She is probably pulling a marble out of a kid’s nose while handling some insurance claim from his doctor over the phone while trying not to burn macaroni and cheese.
You’re a daredevil
First off, most women worry about dating a man who loves to swim with sharks and skydive because you might die. Second off, a single mom worries about letting her child get attached to someone who puts his life at risk constantly.
You insist on meeting the kids
If and when you meet the children it will always be the mother’s choice. If you push the issue, she will push you away right away. You couldn’t possibly know what sort of concerns she has, and assuming you do is pompous.
Or, you pretend the kids don’t exist
If you never ask about her child, and never choose a child-friendly restaurant, then the single mom might feel like you’re uncomfortable with the fact that she has a child. That will never fly.
You only have single friends
How is a single mother supposed to feel like you really enjoy being around her if you only have single friends who have no children of their own and truly live the bachelor life? She needs to see that you have some connection besides her to the grownup world.
You spend money on foolish things
Single moms have experienced the reality that buying a nice pair of shoes for themselves could mean not being able to pay for their child’s doctor’s copay. Once they know that, it’s hard for them to respect anyone who spends money on foolish things.
You try to rescue her
The single mom doesn’t want you sending over babysitters she didn’t ask for or paying for the violin her kid wanted that she couldn’t afford. You may think it’s nice, but that behavior is crossing boundaries.
You’re a perfectionist/clean freak
You can’t date a single mom if your eye twitches when someone moves your sculpture an inch or if you’re uncomfortable around the topic of snot.