How To Deal With Info You Didn’t WANT To Know About Your Man

October 20, 2011  |  
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Your honey is a sweetheart. He treats you well, shows you respect and you have a good time together. All is well…until you find out that he slept with 99 women before you were his “number one.” Or that he was once an avid collector of nude cell phone pics. Or better yet, that he participated in a couple of sexual liaisons prior to your relationship that are currently making you extremely uncomfortable. What’s a girl to do?

Put Yourself In His Shoes: Chances are, you wouldn’t want to be judged on the basis of what you did with other people before you were with this guy. Whether your “number” is three or 30, you would probably say that it has little bearing on your ability to function in this relationship…so you should show him the same regard.

Be Reasonable: Don’t stress yourself (or him) out fretting over things that happened before he knew you (or before you had a romantic connection). Infractions that occur when you are a couple are one thing, but you can’t expect someone to live their life in preparation for the judgment of a person they don’t have yet. Be cautious with your judgment.

Verify Gossip/Hearsay: If this information is coming to you from a third party, say a friend of yours or from something you discover online, you need to have a conversation with your honey. You can’t sit around angry or disappointed with him until you at least give him the chance to tell his side of the story. Be sure to approach with questions, not accusations!

Ask The Right Questions: You didn’t need to know his sexual number, but now that you do, get the REAL scoop–when was his last exam? Has he always used condoms? Has he ever been infected with any STIs?

Watch Who You Tell: Confiding in a trusted girlfriend is one thing; telling your whole crew or Tweeting “OMG, you think you know a person” is another. Be mindful of how spreading this information can impact his opinion of you and your ability to go forward as a couple.

Be Honest: Let him know your feelings on this new information and how it may affect the relationship. If you pretend that it’s all good, but you have actually had some sort of change of heart, you are doing both of you a major disservice.

Know When To Walk Away: While some things are simply none of your business, others will have an impact on how you view him…and some should: a past criminal record, a history of violence against women, perhaps a past sexual encounter that sounds dangerously close to a rape. If there are things you simply can’t ignore, then make your exit with no shame.

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