The entire concept of cold feet is dangerous because it normalizes feeling terrified before your wedding. You really shouldn’t feel terrified about marrying the person you’re marrying. You might feel some anxiety around the fact that you love them so much, and marrying them only bonds you more, which would make losing them even harder if anything ever happened. You may feel some anxiety around your ability to be the partner that your spouse deserves. But your “cold feet” shouldn’t be related to the person you have chosen to spend your life with. If it’s about time to start shelling money out to a wedding planner and sending out invitations, but you’re feeling a strange sensation in your gut, make sure you’re making the right decision. Here are signs it’s more than just cold feet, and you’re actually marrying the wrong person.
You can picture your life without them
Not only can you picture your life without them, but there is something liberating and exciting about the concept. It seems like there would be some relief in it.
You’ve been having panic attacks
You don’t have a history of panic attacks, but since becoming engaged, you have started to have them regularly.
You recently broke up
If you broke up within the last year, you’re probably not ready to get married at all. You may want to make sure this thing can last a couple of years before committing to all of the years.
You are thinking about somebody else
If you’ve been obsessively thinking about being with somebody else, you’re probably marrying the wrong person. You may not actually want to be with that other person, but they represent all of the things that are missing in your relationship.
You feel guilty around his parents
That’s probably because you know you’re going to break their hearts one day by divorcing their son. You feel bad about how invested they’re getting in you since you know deep down you’re not sticking around.
You can’t say for sure this is the right thing
If someone asks, “Are you sure you want to do this?” your answer somehow manages to be complicated. You tell that person that nobody feels 100% certain before they get married and that “relationships are complex.” If this were the right person, you’d respond with an overwhelming, “Yes!”
You’re hesitant to make other commitments
Like adopt a pet together, put a down payment on a house together, or join bank accounts. If you knew you’d spent your life with this person, then binding your lives in other ways wouldn’t cause you anxiety.
Conversation has already dwindled
You’ve settled into a routine of watching television and talking about the grocery list at home. You don’t feel genuinely excited about your partner coming home (if you live together).
You don’t live together
Come on; in this day and age, aside from religious convictions, there’s no excuse not to live together before getting married. If you didn’t think you were compatible enough to do that before the wedding, then you won’t be any more compatible after saying, “I do.”
He’s not your best friend
It may sound cheesy and cliché, but it’s cliché because it’s true. When you marry the right person, you genuinely feel that person is your best friend. If you don’t feel that way, then a major part of your connection to this person is missing.
Wedding planning makes you angry
It feels like something somebody is forcing you to do it, and you see it as a major inconvenience that is interfering with more important things like your career or social life.
You have stopped having sex
You don’t need to do it like bunnies the way you did when you started dating, but if you only have sex every couple of months now (or less), then something is very, very off.
You compare your relationship
You find yourself comparing your relationship to other people’s relationships a lot. You see in other couples a connection that you’re pretty certain doesn’t exist in your relationship.
You don’t want to talk about married life
If anyone tries to talk to you about all of the things you and your partner will do once you are husband and wife, you tell them to “Sloooow down. We aren’t married yet!”
Everything has moved very fast
You went away on a trip together after three weeks of dating, met each other’s families after two months of dating and moved in together after four months of dating. You’ve rushed this relationship, and you know deep down you rushed it because you just didn’t want to end up alone.