Is This Petty? I Like Him, But I’m Just Not Physically Attracted To Him

November 18, 2016  |  


Serious question: If a guy seems to have all that you’re looking for, except good looks, could you give him the time of day?

I was reading a story online about a woman who met a guy through a dating app. After a few months of getting to know him, she felt that they were a great match for each other in terms of the conversations they had and the emotions they shared with one another. He seemed really into her and had already started making comments here and there about plans for the future. She entertained them. The only problem was that she isn’t physically attracted to the guy. Like, at all. A few of his facial features aren’t really what she’s into, and she said that his overall appearance is just not appealing. But what she wanted to know was, does that matter?

I guess it does, because up and down the Internet, scores of women have sought advice about what to do with men they have a connection with, but no physical attraction to. Women who love talking to a guy and think they’re great, but get turned off once they have intimate moments. Women who have friends who tell them that they’re being shallow. Women who have tried to talk themselves into giving a man a chance because they are wonderful in other ways that some people might deem more important than looks. They don’t know what to do, and in reality, until you’re in a similar situation, who does?

I asked a co-worker if she could date someone she wasn’t physically attracted to. After some thought, she said that she would go on a few dates with him, but a serious relationship wouldn’t likely come to fruition. “If the physical attraction never came? I just couldn’t do it,” she said. “Because then it’s like you feel repulsed.”

The way I see it, you don’t have to be physically attracted to someone to give them a chance. The way it usually goes is that other things about them peak your interest and help to build physical attraction. A guy who always makes you laugh. An intelligent, cultured guy who makes you think. A guy who is caring and really gives of his time and himself to help others. A guy who is emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings and the feelings of those around him. A guy in tune with your needs who is considerate. A guy with power and intensity.

All of these things and more can eventually cause you to look at a fella you once considered less than desirable and give him the eye. Who he is as a person can turn you on enough to build physical attraction, meaning the sexual attraction can grow over time. It doesn’t have to be pulsating the moment you meet.

But if that is not the case, then you have to do what works for you. If you know that the physical is major when it comes to building a romantic relationship, then you should probably stick to what you know. The last thing you want to do is make someone who is really into you feel bad because you act repulsed when they lean in for the kiss. I don’t necessarily think it makes a person shallow, because attraction is important. However, there is something to be said about the fact that many successful, long-term relationships aren’t about the physical attraction at some point. It’s still likely there, but when things change with time (like our bodies, the state of our health, our hair, the lines on our face), our partnerships are about much deeper things. Having someone there who you’re emotionally aligned with, who carries great conversation, who you can count on, and who listens and cares about you tends to become more important than whether or not he looks hot.

Still, my advice is to follow your true feelings. No matter how “great,” you can’t force what you don’t feel…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. How important is physical attraction to you? Ever overlooked the physical and found something great with a partner? 


Image via Shutterstock

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