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While on my pursuit for my match made in millennial heaven there is one type of man I make sure to avoid: a father. I refuse to date men with children. The guy could be one of the sweetest, most romantic, educated, funniest men on the market, but if he has a child I have to keep it moving. And this is why.

Even though I would be his special lady, I will never be his top priority. My partner’s child will always come first, and when they call he has to tend to them. Trips, quality time, and even conversations can and will be limited, cut short or cancelled if the child needs him. Though he will share responsibilities with the mother, him being a father will take time away from me. I see this as a deal breaker.

Plus, as a girlfriend you have to get to know the child and try your best to accept them. Even if they are rude to you, you have to empathize with them and understand that adjusting to their father being with another woman is not easy for them. If they have a problem with you, then it leaves their father feeling some type of way. Fathers always take into consideration how their child feels about someone they are dating — as they should. But if things go well, the child will be integrated into the relationship and that’s not something I am willing to deal with.

When you date a man with a child you not only have to accept the child, but their mother as well. Not saying you both have to be BFFs, but there has to be some cordiality. Unfortunately, she comes with the package. Though the mother is not a part of the relationship, she is another woman whose calls cannot go unanswered because of the child. I dated a man with a child once and when his son’s mother called at midnight and I asked why, he answered with the response  “That’s my son’s mother,” as if that was supposed to make it justifiable. I wanted to say something else but there was no point because she has the right to call whenever when it’s about their child. It’s not a relationship that can be disputed unless the mother crosses the line, which is also a possibility. The two loved each other once and have a child to show for it, so there is always a chance that they will want to revisit their love again.

On the other hand, if the guy doesn’t get along with the child’s mother then that’s another problem. The child isn’t always a product of a relationship that was once harmonious. He could have knocked up someone he had no intention of being with, someone he had a “situationship” with or someone who had and continues to have stronger feelings for him than he ever had for her. All these circumstances could lead to “baby mama drama,” and as the woman in this father’s life that drama can trickle down to me. Bad blood is usually inherited by the new woman in that man’s life, and I’m not dealing with it. Plus, it would be difficult to witness a woman hurting or upsetting your man over his child.

There’s nothing wrong with dating a man with children, it’s just not for me. I deal with children on a daily basis so when I clock out I want my man to myself all the time. I do not want any aspect of our relationship interfered with or affected because of his child. Heck, I don’t even want my own.

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