Shutterstock
My little cousin just started his freshman year of college. But before that, he completed a summer program at the university. In doing so, he was assigned college coursework. One week, he had to write an essay and the prompt he was given was about selfie culture and whether men, with the rules of patriarchy and unrealistic masculinity standards, were allowed to participate in that culture.
Basically, is it cool for men to take selfies or would they be unfairly judged as a result. Men would see other men and think he’s soft. Shoot, women would see men taking selfies and think he’s soft. When I was helping my cousin write his essay, I thought how silly. Of course men can take selfies. I remember reading an article about how selfies are more than just our expressions of vanity. They reaffirm our attractiveness and help us to appreciate the skin we’re in.
What’s the problem?
It wasn’t until I was watching an episode of “Conversating While Black,” and I heard a woman discount a potential dating partner, a man for taking too many selfies, that I really asked myself if I had a problem with it. I was all ready to say no until a particular person’s profile popped into my head. I’d known this dude since we were in elementary school and then ran into him in high school. Now, I follow him on Instagram. And literally, every other picture is a selfie. He may caption them with comments about what his plans are for the day but the pictures themselves don’t speak to that point. They’re all selfies.
It’s to the point now where they don’t even garner many likes. Because it’s basically the same picture over and over again. He’s leaned into the camera, hands clasped, muscles bulging. Face straight, no smiling.
When I thought about his profile, I chuckled. Actually no, I don’t like dudes who take a whole lot of selfies. There’s something about it that’s wack. And I don’t mean wack like feminine. I mean wack like narcissistic and perhaps too eager for the approval of others.
When I asked my coworkers, they shared the same sentiment. Our senior editor said, “I haven’t encountered too many men who have too many selfies.”
Our editorial intern had a stronger reaction, “Eww don’t. It’s not cute. You can use your Instagram in other ways to gain attention for yourself. I guess it’s like context. Are you thirst trapping?”
I can understand that point, I’ve literally seen a man take a very clear selfie and try to, in the caption, rationalize it as way to promote his volunteer work. To be fair, there was a small child far, far off in the background.
Our editorial assistant also didn’t think too much of men with too many selfies. “It’s weird. Where are your friends? Who else is in your life?”
I could understand where she was coming from.
And while I initially felt a bit guilty about my preference. I realized that I didn’t disapprove of these male selfies because they were men. I’m really not here for anyone’s profile that is filled with pictures of them staring back at you, trying to give sexy face. I’m not anti selfie I’m anti doing to utmost.
At the end of the day, narcissism and doing entirely too much are not gender specific.
What’s your take on men with too many selfies?
Veronica Wells is the culture editor for MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of the recently released book “Bettah Days.”
