Why Confiding In Single Friends Can Be Detrimental To Your Relationship
Let’s face it, when you enter into a relationship and it becomes a serious one, you’re still close with people who may be single. While that’s perfectly common and acceptable, you need to be careful about what you say around those people when it comes to what’s going on between you and you partner. Of course, the insight of some is useful, but the advice of others could cause some unnecessary problems.
You do not have to jeopardize your relationship in an effort to maintain your friendships and keep those close to you in the loop. To avoid major pitfalls, take note of a few common ways that some of your friendships could potentially be detrimental to your romance.
They Are Biased
Your friends know you, love you, and in most cases, have your back. So when you vent to them about a quarrel, do not be surprised when they automatically take your side. Matchmaker and relationship expert Paul C. Brunson wrote on his blog that you should declare your own emotional independence and get your friends out of your dating life.
“Our friends want to believe in us and support us and protect us,” Brunson wrote “which means sometimes their advice is more about boosting our own self-esteem or validating us as a friend – instead of giving us valuable criticism you can apply to change your dating fortune.”
Additionally, sharing any conflict in your relationship could backfire if you decide to stay with your partner.
Psychotherapist and counselor Gary Stollman, Ph.D., has seen individuals who told their family that their spouse cheated. After deciding to stay in the relationship, the loved ones harbored resentment toward that person’s significant other.
“You might consider trying to work out the issues between the two of you in private or in therapy first, because the objectivity that you’re going to get from the therapist is far greater than any opinion that you’re ever going to hear from a friend or a family member,” Stollman wrote.
He added that having your friends question your decision to stay in your relationship won’t help you, but confuse you even more.
You Can Lose Trust
As much as we love sharing a juicy story, discussing your partner’s top secrets should never happen. Dating coach Suzanne K. Oshima told Her Campus that sharing any secrets with your friends that your partner shares with you could be damaging to your relationship.
“Why? Because if your boyfriend ever finds out that you shared something that he entrusted in you, he will never trust you again with anything else that he holds near and dear to his heart,” she said.
They Could Be Bitter
Be honest: Some of your single friends are a little jealous. They have recently experienced a breakup or haven’t been in a serious relationship in a while; therefore, they don’t want to see you on cloud nine.
Social worker and author Akirah Robinson was that single, bitter person when all three of her girlfriends got engaged after her four-year relationship ended.
“Sure, it’s normal to feel jealous of your happily married friends when you’re newly single, but I took my bitterness way too far. It was as if I wanted everyone to feel as miserable as I was,” Robinson wrote in a piece called “IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Screwed Up Three Friendships Because I Was Bitter About Being Single” on xoJane.
While those friendships fell apart due to her jealousy, after doing the work (seeking counseling) to move forward emotionally, Robinson was able to rekindle two of those friendships.
With all this being said, you should always maintain friendships that were produced before you entered your romantic relationship. However, remember to create boundaries for yourself to ensure that as your friendships grow, your romantic relationship can also continue to flourish.