No matter how mature you are, it’s never that comfortable to talk to your partner about what you want in the bedroom. If there’s one thing that kills good sex every time, it’s thinking too much about how to have it. And most people can be very sensitive about sex—the moment their partner requests something special, it can make them feel like they’re not good enough in bed. But hey, you can’t be in your partner’s head, and he can’t be in yours. Sometimes, there is little you can do to tell your partner what you want other than telling him. There are some sexual actions that you can’t just gently direct your partner into. He’ll need a warning, (or he might need to give you permission) to feel like you respect him. Here are 15 things that are always hard to ask for during sex.
The moment you ask for it, there’s a chance your partner becomes insecure. If your partner follows your lead and then initiates more sex the next time, you’ll wonder if he’s doing it because he thinks he has to and not because he wants to. Then too, he might just feel resentful that you asked.
More aggressive sex
If you ask a guy to be more aggressive, he might read that as you saying he’s weak, too gentle, and no fun. You also might just put him out of his comfort zone: maybe he feels like he’s disrespecting you by being aggressive.
A desire to be dominant
Unfortunately, some men misread your desire to be dominant in bed. They have a hard time separating your bed persona and your life persona. Whatever they see you do in bed—they’ll wonder if you secretly think like that dominant person all of the time.
A third person
Asking for a threesome is a very sensitive subject. It almost always results in one person thinking their partner is not happy in the relationship.
That your partner doesn’t finish so fast
There’s little you can do about a pre-ejaculator. Asking him to finish later just confirms his fears that you’re unsatisfied, and that will likely be a self-fulfilling prophecy by which he just finishes even earlier.
More lube, please
If you need more and more lube to get wet, your partner might think, “What—I don’t do it for you?” He can become insecure about his foreplay skills, or how attractive you find him.
Positions where his penis feels bigger
It’s hard to be subtle about this. There are only so many 90 degree angles and vibrating lazy boy chairs you can maneuver the two of you into before your partner says, “Wait a minute: do I just not do it for you?”
Watching adult videos together
You might both agree to watch porn together, but trying to agree on what porn to watch is a whole other problem. You know how hard it is to pick a regular movie on Netflix? Multiply that by ten.
“Is there anything you want me to do differently?”
The second you ask a partner, “Is there anything you want me to do differently?” he may assume he’s not doing enough to please you. Reverse psychology will not work.
Being talked dirty to
The man who loves you probably doesn’t want to yell profanities in your face while you allow him to put his penis inside of you.
Using a toy
Men can feel rather inadequate when you ask to bring vibrators or dildos or cock rings into the picture. They can end up wondering if sex sans-toys is ever enough.
“Just go down on me; no sex.”
Sometimes you just want your partner to go down on you, with no expectation of anything in return. But you feel bossy if you ask for that.
You know what kills chances of spontaneity? Asking that somebody be more spontaneous. You kind of just have to practice what you preach—and not preach it.
If your partner is too loud in bed, you cannot ask him to tone it down. You’re better being evicted because the neighbors complained than asking him to keep it down.
“Hi. This isn’t a regular phone call this is a sex call. If you want, I can hang up, call you back, and we can start over. This was just the call to tell you the sex call was coming.”