I’ll start this week’s “Is This Petty?” with a quote about dating in the tech age from my dear Brande Victorian: “Pssh. It’s rough out here…”
From the outside looking in, I assumed that dating apps and sites had made meeting the opposite sex and going out on dates a lot more fun than it used to be. I mean, I was hearing about people going on two to three dates in a week (What is this? Sex and the City?!), so I believed that being exposed to so many options could give you a better shot at finding your right fit.
A friend of one of my girlfriends from college was telling me about a guy she went out on a date with, from Germany, who she was really into after linking up on Match.com. Her merriment was a big deal for her, especially since she had some not so great encounters with guys on the dating site. From creepy lads reaching out to noticing that many men on the site — Black, White, whatever — were looking for non-Black women, she just hadn’t had the best of luck.
But before Mr. Germany, there was a guy who seemed genuinely interested in getting to know her better, who didn’t fall in the creeptastic category, whom she matched with. However, after giving it some thought, she decided that she couldn’t give him the time of day because he didn’t have a college degree.
I know that sounds a little on the snooty booty, bourgeoise side, but to be fair, she is a lawyer who just recently graduated from law school after studying for years and has since secured a swanky job. Therefore, education is important to her, and rightfully so. She wants someone who she’s “equally yoked” with, as they say in the Bible. Or really, someone who at least is making moves in their field of choice and can continue to move up the career ladder thanks to experience and training. In her mind, a man without a college degree will be limited in his opportunities.
And it’s not just earning potential that worries women like our subject. It’s also the “educational discrepancy,” as one woman called it when asking for advice online about her relationship.
“I’m a graduate student getting my PhD in a science field, and he never completed his bachelor’s and is currently working in the service industry. He’s taking online classes and collaborating on a startup, but doesn’t plan to finish his degree.”
To her, conversations could feel a little limited, and she was wondering whether or not she was wasting her time after more than a year together.
But as one woman said about her own experiences dating men with and without degrees on a different thread from a few years back, as long as one has an interest in learning, degree or no degree, it could work:
The thing I appreciate most about dating somebody with a similar educational background is the fact that it’s another opportunity for common ground and being able to relate to one another, and can be an indication of similar priorities and values. But it’s also true that my SO and I had college experiences that are about as drastically different as the difference in experiences of somebody who went to school and didn’t go to school, so it’s no guarantee that you’d have a ton of common ground. Everyone’s experience is different.
However, whether I am dating somebody with a college degree or without one, I have a hard time relating to people who don’t prioritize learning and have no intellectual curiosity. And you’ll find that type with and without degrees, unfortunately.
It’s different strokes for different folks. So if you meet a guy who you just have that connection with, despite a lack of a degree, and you want to go for it, then go for it, sis. And honestly, many extraordinarily talented individuals never graduated from institutions of higher learning and are running the companies that make our phones and other innovative things. But the way I see it, if education is important to you, you shouldn’t sidestep your wants and needs because chances are, it will still be a problem down the line. And in all honesty, you shouldn’t lower your standards in an attempt not to seem like an uppity, judgmental chick, or, as people LOVE to say in horrid Instagram memes, a woman who won’t “build with” or “build up” a grown man. Women are often expected to bend and adjust for a decent man with potential rather than encouraged to stick to our guns and wait for a good man with a plan–and a hustle. We all have our preferences, and as for our subject, it’s not a man without a college degree. To each their own…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you think? Is it petty to not give a guy a chance because he hasn’t obtained a college degree?