Ask a Very Smart Brotha: Homies, Lovers and Friends
Dear Champ,
I have a bit of a problem. Ive been with my boyfriend for a while now, and the relationship is great. I think we’ll be together for a very long time, but there’s one thing that bothers me. He wont introduce me to any of his female friends. I’ve asked him about meeting them numerous times and he hesitates or changes the subject. I just want to meet them. My question is, how can you expect me to want to build a future together if you have friends that you wont let me even meet? What is he hiding? Should I let this go?
Sincerely,
Stuck
Dear Stuck,
I have to say that this is a first. I’ve received questions about men not introducing their girlfriends to their boys, men not introducing their girlfriends to their parents, men not introducing their girlfriends to their Facebook accounts, and even men not introducing their girlfriends to their pets. (Seriously, I once had a woman write me at Very Smart Brothas email account; angry and saddened over the fact that her new beau refused to let her feed his goldfish. I advised her that she probably shouldn’t be dating Weebay Brice, anyway.)
Anyway, I’m not sure exactly want he’s hiding, but he is hiding something, and it’s probably one of two things:
- You.
- His friends
- His relationship with one of his “friends”
Now, seeing that you’ve been together for a minute and you’ve presumably met other people in his life, I doubt he’s hiding you. (I will say though that maybe he knows that you’re the irrationally jealous type, and he knows it’s in everybody’s best interest to keep you the hell away from any other women. Again, I doubt this is true, but it’s possible)
It’s also possible that he’s embarrassed by his friends — maybe they’re a crew of carjacking strippers from Newark or something — but I doubt this as well.
What it seems like is that he might have an inappropriate relationship with one of these “friends,” and he wants to prevent any chance that you all are in the same room together at the same time. I also won’t even jump to the conclusion that he’s cheating on you. Well, cheating on you physically, at least. Maybe it’s an ex-girlfriend he still has a bit of bond with. Maybe he knows that the friend has a huge crush on him, and he knows that she’ll throw serious shade at any woman he happens to bring around. Maybe he’s one of those guys who flirts a ton and loves having multiple women fawn over him, and he knows that the fawning fanbase might lose members if they know he actually is boo-ed up.
Either way, I’m not a big fan of ultimatums, but in this case it sounds like you need to force a meeting to see where his loyalties truly are.
Sincerely,
Damon Young (aka The Champ)
Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com
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