A lot of people don’t want to talk about their sex dreams because they’re afraid their friends—or their partners—will assume their dreams are direct reflections of what they want. And what if in their dreams, they were having sex with somebody other than their partner? What if their sex dream was of a violent nature? What if it was just plain weird?
It’s normal to keep these dreams to yourself, but you shouldn’t feel guilty about them. When it comes to sex dreams, things are rarely as they seem. Sleeping with your boss in your dream doesn’t mean you want to sleep with him in real life. Having lesbian dreams doesn’t mean you are really into women. The meanings are more complicated than that. Here are eight of the most common sex dreams and what they mean.
The unrevealed lover
This is a dream in which you have sex with somebody whose face you cannot see. You usually feel very warm, happy and embraced around this person. In your dream, you probably reach orgasm. But you never know who this person is.
This mystery lover represents the parts of your own personality that are important to you, and possibly that you’d like to cultivate more. If the lover is assertive and strong, you may be aiming to be more assertive and strong in real life. If the lover is patient and kind, you may be aiming to personify those traits more.
If you are in a committed relationship, you may have regular dreams in which your partner behaves less than committed. Cheating dreams are some of the top-reported sex dreams. In these dreams, your partner is sleeping with somebody else. But don’t worry; these dreams aren’t your brain’s way of warning you of real-life infidelity.
Your partner is distracted
If your partner isn’t giving you enough attention, cheating dreams are common. He might be too wrapped up in work, too busy helping a family member get adjusted who just moved to town, or even preoccupied with his social life. The cheating dream is just a manifestation of your feeling that someone or something else is getting too much of your partner’s attention.
This is one of the most disturbing dreams: dreaming of being with an ex again! It’s particularly disturbing if you’re in a new, very happy relationship. You’ll wonder, “Am I supposed to be with this ex that keeps showing up in my dreams?” And you’ll feel like, just by having this dream, you’re being unfaithful to your partner.
You crave excitement
You don’t necessarily want the ex back, but the feelings with which you associate that ex. The ex in the dream is usually one of your first big loves, and you associate novelty, excitement and passion with him. If your current relationship has become a bit routine, this dream is perfectly normal.
Being the cheater
If you wake up from this dream, you might find yourself trying to make it up to your partner all day! He doesn’t even know why you’re being so nice, but you dreamt about cheating on him. It doesn’t mean you want to sleep with somebody else, though.
You’ve been dishonest
If you have, in some way, been dishonest in your relationship, or behaved in a way that wasn’t honorable, you might dream of cheating on your partner. This is like your brain’s way of punishing you for what you did. Maybe you were selfish in your relationship, vented to your friend about your boyfriend, or did something you feel bad about.
Sleeping with your friend’s partner
Uh oh. You dreamt of sleeping with your best friend’s husband. Sitting through the sushi double date with them on Thursday is going to be awkward. You never noticed before how strong this guy’s jawline is…how large his biceps are…wait a minute what is happening?! You’re not actually attracted to your friend’s partner!
You want what they have
That other couple might have what you wish your relationship had. Maybe they take more trips together, have more sex, laugh together more or any number of things your relationship is lacking. You don’t want that man specifically; you want to have what that couple has, with your current partner.
Gay sex as a straight person
Susie, your dental hygienist, will never look the same to you now that you’ve dreamt of doing it with her in that reclining chair. But you’re straight—so what’s this all about?
The gay dream is a positive dream. It means you’re coming into your own; you’re beginning to accept yourself and be proud of all elements of your personality. You may even be going through a phase during which you’re becoming more compassionate and empathetic.
Your straight partner as gay
Sometimes you may dream that your straight partner is having a gay affair. But there isn’t a fiber in your being that believes he is actually gay. In fact, you know that if you even told him that you dreamt he slept with his best friend, he would need therapy.
You feel insecure or ignored
If on some level you feel that your partner doesn’t like you, or doesn’t like some elements of you, you might dream that he is gay. This is your brain’s way of making him feel as distant and unattainable to you as possible—which may be how you’re feeling about him in real life.
Can’t stop dreaming about going down on somebody? Part of you may be thinking, “Hey. This is my dream! How come I’m not the one receiving head here? Come on, brain. Get it together.”
You’re creatively blooming
During oral sex, you give happiness and pleasure. If you are creative in some way, dreaming of giving oral sex could symbolize that you are blooming creatively. The ways in which you create happiness and joy in real life (through your creativity) are improving.