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You might be great at long-term relationships. You might thrive at those setups where you spend six nights a week together, taking Sundays to yourselves. You may even live with somebody, and it might be going well. But marriage is that next level business. Marriage means knowing that every single decision you make affects your partner, from the friends you keep to the foods you eat to the jobs you work to the credit cards you pay off (or don’t pay off). It’s not made for everybody because the pressure can be too much for some people to handle while continuing to lead productive, happy lives. Why do you think divorce rates are so high? Plenty of couples walk down the isle who had perfectly happy relationships for years before marriage, but slapping a contract on it changed things. Here are eight personality traits that just won’t survive marriage.

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Those who need constant affirmation

This is the person who needs every story they tell to be met with attentive ears and wide eyes. This is the person who is accutely aware of the fact that they’ve been in the same room as their partner for two hours but there hasn’t been any affection or exchange of compliments. This person needs a lot of attention, and they need the events in their life to be treated with the utmost importance all of the time. They ask, “Are you even listening?” a lot.

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Shutterstock

You have separate worries

No matter how in love you are, your lives will fill up with responsibilities, obligations, worries and responsibilities that have nothing to do with one another. There will be a lot of days where your partner is just in his head about a work-related issue and doesn’t have it in him to give you attention. If you need constant affirmation, you will be riddled with anxiety any time your partner’s attention is dominated by something other than you for an entire day. But it will happen in marriage days at a time.

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Shutterstock

Whim-followers

The person who goes to a coffee shop to take a job interview, but before the interviewer shows up, they meet a group of people who are about to sail to a private island and ask her to come along so she does that instead. Yeah…that’s going to be a problem.

Go Back To My Ex

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You share your life now

When you’re not married, you can pull a stunt like that. The only person affected by your unemployment is you. Nobody’s waiting up for you to come home. But when you’re married, if you fail to meet a responsibility, you hurt your life and your partner. Skipping that job interview because something more fun came up could mean that now your partner is stuck paying all of your bills for months, and he can’t afford a plane ticket home to see his parents for their anniversary. Do you see how quickly that snowballed out of control? All because you followed a whim.

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Shutterstock

People who aren’t self-motivated

Some people are always hustling. In or out of a relationship, they work hard, they have aspirations and clear goals and they make moves to see them happen. But then you have those personality types that only accomplish something to impress somebody else, or because somebody else expects something of them.

Your partner can’t be your life coach

Your spouse does not want to take on the role of motivating you, of telling you good things will happen, of suggesting calls you take or networking events you attend to reach your goals. He has his own goals to reach. Your spouse should be happy to support you and encourage you, but he can’t give you the desire to accomplish things. He’ll get tired of it.

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Shutterstock

People who need to have their way

Some individuals really get hung up on small decisions: which headboard to buy, which restaurant to go to, which dogsitter to hire, what color to paint the wall. They will fight, debate and push to have their way, oblivious to the tension it’s creating in their relationship.

Marriage is full of decisions

That trait might be endearing—like you’re stubborn but it’s cute—when you’re not married yet, but it will get exhausting fast. There are so many decisions to make in marriage (a lifetime of them to be exact) that you need to follow the adage, “It’s better to be happy than to be right.” Getting that exact egg color wall paint you wanted won’t keep you happy when your partner is ignoring you because you were a jerk picking out the paint color.

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Critics/Perfectionists

If you demand perfection from everyone around you, you might make a great business owner or event planner, but that might not translate into a great spouse. At work, people should aim for perfection because money is on the line. But at home, people should be allowed to relax.

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Your parnter isn’t perfect

You won’t survive marriage if, when your partner shares his work presentation with you, you pick it apart. Your job is to give one or two notes of constructive criticism, but to generally tell him he’s wonderful and you love him. Your spouse doesn’t need an extra boss or colleague at home. Home is where he should get to be imperfect.

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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

The doormatt

The person who is okay with whatever happens. This person is the opposite of the type who always needs to have his way. This person has no opinion on where you eat or where you take your vacation or what movie you see or even which car you buy. Up until marriage, this trait made the relationship a breeze.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Marriage requires decisiveness

There will be times in marriage when your partner needs to have an opinion. If he doesn’t, he will leave you feeling alone—like you’re carrying all of the emotional burden—during serious decisions, like which nursing home to put your parent in. Having an opinion shows he cares.

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The type who won’t let things go

The type who, when a restaurant gets his order wrong, cannot enjoy the rest of the evening. He keeps replaying in his head how he, “Told the server very precisely how I wanted that burger cooked” and “I’ve been there so many times—how could they get that wrong?” The type who, when your babysitter charges for three hours when she was only there for two hours and fifity minutes, will argue with her about those ten minutes.

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Life isn’t fair, but it can still be happy

Here’s a general life lesson: it’s better just to give your babysitter the pay for those extra ten minutes (it’ll put you out, what, another $5?) and keep peace with the person who hangs out with your child, than to argue about it, making your babysitter feel you don’t value her. Keeping that social dynamic intact is worth the $5. Keeping a good relationship with your favorite neighborhood restaurant is worth keeping quiet when they serve you the wrong side dish. What is “fair” and what keeps people happy won’t always be the same thing. If you can’t figure that out, your spouse will consider you a nightmare to go anywhere with.

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Shutterstock

People who aren’t grateful

You know the type; they obsess over the fact that their colleague who does basically the same job as them makes $100 more a week. When he could be thinking, “I’m so lucky to have a job I love that pays very well and allows me a lifestyle I enjoy.” In general, this person looks for the negative, and is blind to the positive.

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Shutterstock

Those people rain on the parade

Nobody wants to spend their life with someone who constantly points out what is wrong with, well, life! Your partner wants to see the good in things, and he can’t if you’re always at his side, pointing out the bad. He’ll rather spend his life without you putting a damper on things, than with you.

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