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Yesterday I received an e-vite to a sex toy party. I hadn’t attended one since I actually hosted one at my apartment several years ago. Because I was the host, I got to pick out several items as my gifts for giving up my space, time and inviting all my girlfriends who spent a grip on gadgets to pleasure themselves and their men…or women. So when I got this invitation I figured I could turn it down since I had already accumulated a treasure chest of goodies to turn to should I feel the need to “love” myself. That was until I wondered: “Where is my stash anyway?”

It’s been a while since I’ve needed to bust those babies out. When I started dating my now husband, sex toys were the last thing on my mind. Sex with him is amazing—to the point where I had packed all my toys up and put them in a box somewhere. I remember my husband finding them one day with this look on his face that read, “Really? This many?!” I explained to him the perks of being a host and that THAT was the reason why I had so many toys, when in fact, I probably would have bought all that stuff anyway. Hey, it was hard out here for a single woman in a drought who didn’t even have a cut buddy, let alone a man. Sometimes you just want to take the edge off and go to sleep. Don’t act like you’ve never had those same sentiments. It’s safe and you catch no feelings. Nothing  was wrong with it, as far as I could tell.

Yet, somehow I got the feeling that he was jealous of my toys—even a bit offended that I still had them. I think he had thoughts of whether I was sneaking a buzz every now and then while we was at work or something, and even though I wasn’t, I didn’t think it should’ve been a big deal if I was. Now that I think of it, that was the last time I saw that box. Apparently, my lovely husband had gotten rid of my pleasure chest and kept it pushing.

Several of my girlfriends have stories similar to mine, explaining that their men were jealous or had a problem with them owning sex toys. They said their man felt threatened by the toys and that they should be the only “toy” their woman needed . And to an extent I agreed with that. I love and crave the physical intimacy and chemistry between two human beings. I love to feel the weight of a man on me. No toy can or could satisfy me in that way. Yet, there are some women who have confessed to me that they prefer their toy to their man. Ouch!

In some cases, a person can be great in every way but lack in the sex department. And for some, sex is everything. However,  I have a friend who considers her man to be a total catch: sexy, smart, funny, driven, no kids, no drama. The only thing “wrong” with him is that his sex game isn’t as tight as she’d like it to be. Unlike the other men she’s dated, he doesn’t have a gazillion notches on his belt. Honestly, he probably hadn’t had a chance to perfect his long stroke while he was busy earning his doctorate degree and growing his business—the nerve of him! But to her that was no reason to give up on such a wonderful man, so she improvises and pleases herself when he’s not around, or she asks him to use her toys on her. And he has no problem with it. Sounds like a win-win situation.

But if you’re one of those women who is struggling with letting go of her toys or has a man who hates her special friend, you have to convince him that it’s just an aid, not a replacement of him. Tell him that no electronic device can take his place and invite him to join in on the fun with you. You can even take him toy shopping with you and choose one that you both would enjoy. Try one with a remote control where he gets to decide how far he’ll take you.

I can totally understand getting hooked on toys—men don’t vibrate and toys can get you there much faster than a man can most times. But a word of caution: Make sure you don’t get so dependent on using them that you forget how to have sex with an actual person. Sounds crazy but it can happen. Toys give you something different, but so does the connection you get skin-to-skin with another person. If you’re in a relationship and can’t give them up, make sure you’re using them to enhance your love life, not be your love life.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go RSVP to this pleasure party!


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