When He Doesn’t Pay: Is It A Deal Breaker?

July 14, 2015  |  

“He’s cheap.” That’s how my friend described the guy she’d been talking to for the past three months. Although they lived in different cities, they’d conversed on the phone for a while before finally meeting. That’s when she decided because he didn’t pay for a variety of things during their first weekend together, he wasn’t dateable. Well, not to her at least. But should a man pay for everything when he is just courting you?

Her beef with him started with food. He didn’t pay for her food when she went to a restaurant to grab takeout food, and he didn’t get anything. She was also upset when she and her friends met him and his friends at a club. He hesitated to pay for her girls to get in. She’d brought along five of them because he told her he was bringing along several of his friends. These are only a few of the instances that led her to her conclusion that he wasn’t for her. “I can’t stand a cheap man,” she scoffed.

My friend is pretty independent. She has a decent paying job, nice things, and pays for them all by herself, as an adult should. So is she wrong for wanting a man who is just trying to get to know her to actually spend money on her in the beginning of their courtship?

Maybe, maybe not. But in his defense, the same things that may qualify her as being independent could be the same reasons he chose not to pay for small things. That includes her takeout meal and the accessories she picked up while they were out shopping. His thinking could be, if she has it, why pay for these trivial things? Or maybe, he doesn’t have it to spend. Who knows? She stated that he did pay for their dinner when they went to a fine dining establishment, but still, homegirl was not satisfied.

In a world where feminism is constantly discussed and being an independent woman is worn like a badge of honor, is expecting men to pay for everything a contradiction to the Ms. Independent notion? While I’m not sure why he didn’t pay for all of her meals or any extras, she didn’t ask him to, so I’m sure he didn’t feel required to do so. Of course, I think if a man asks you out, he should pay, but I also believe that if a woman asks a man out she should front the bill too. But whoever asks for a date to happen shouldn’t be expected to be a sponsor. They’re just getting to know you.

I do agree with my friend that if a man is pursuing you, more is seemingly required of him, but what these requirements consist of are subjective. For one woman, it could mean spending more time together, for others, like my friend, it might mean dropping more coins.

So when a man who is pursuing you doesn’t pay for everything in the beginning, does it affect the way you view him? Is this a deal breaker? Ladies, chime in….

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