When You’re Missing A Child On Mother’s Day: A Personal Essay From Tameka Raymond

May 10, 2015  |  

By Tameka Raymond

On the days right before it, it never fails, I can feel my heart beating a little faster, my head feels a little heavier, and my knees slightly shake. Ahhh, Sunday, May 10th, Mother’s Day 2015. I never knew that this day of celebration would become so difficult to describe. Although, I am the proud mother of 5 boys, whom I (back in 2009;-) affectionately nicknamed my “Five Heartbeats,” for the last two years, I have celebrated with only four. On July 21, 2012, my 11-year-old son, Kile Glover, succumbed to a traumatic injury from a horrific boating accident. As for my heart, the loss of my Kile has caused a strange, emotional arrhythmia. Now, my heart always skips a beat and even feels as though it has stopped at times.

This year will be like every other Mother’s Day. My boys and I will go to brunch at a fancy hotel or restaurant. They will bring cards and flowers. We will laugh, eat bacon and tell stories and I will bask in the miracle of being their Mom. However, it is still hard for me. And, I wonder if they see me and my grief, wondering if they are enough.

My sons, Darrin, Ryan, Usher V and Naviyd must always know that they are more than enough. They fill the space that Kile left in ways that they may never know. Just being in their presence soothes me, calms my nerves and restores my sense of purpose in this world.

I have always heard that a mother should never have to bury her children. I absolutely agree. I am living the unimaginable. Every day feels like an odd dream sequence, but I muscle through and I will say that it has taught me to live, love and enjoy life to its fullest potential. I have also learned to never, I mean NEVER, sweat the trivial or meaningless things.

I live out loud with immense fervor, appreciation, and optimism.

For me, Mother’s Day has transformed into meaning something new. It is another day that I am simply grateful for the privilege of being a mother. It is important for every mother who is missing a child on Mother’s Day to believe that the bond between mother and child is never broken. No one can ever take that attachment or eternal love away. Being a mother is stronger than death for me. I am wishing all Mothers, everywhere, love and appreciation for the gift you have in your children.

Always remain grateful.

 

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