Is It Okay For Your Family To Ask A Lot Of You Because You Earn More?

May 5, 2015  |  

This is going to sound really bad but there’s a part of me that’s happy my family isn’t so close. Don’t get me wrong, it would be nice to partake in those fun family reunions, but sometimes too many people in the mix can cause unnecessary drama.

For whatever reason, certain family members of mine think because I married an engineer we’re rolling in the dough. Granted we do very well for ourselves, especially as a young family. But that doesn’t mean we’re an ATM full of unlimited resources. And contrary to popular opinion, I am a work-from-home mother but do work hard for the things I have.

My husband is Black Latino and comes from a huge family. As much as I love our get-togethers, one event still has my mind blown. Some time ago we were invited to attend one of his family member’s weddings. You’re probably thinking this is no big deal, just get a gift, send your well wishes and be done right?


While we couldn’t attend, our in-laws did and made the trip halfway cross country by car. Upon their arrival, they received more than a welcome. The bride-to-be also happened to be the godchild of my in-law, and the mother of the bride had no issue asking for money to help pay for the wedding… the day before the big event.

Who the heck does that?

I don’t know how folks do things in other countries, but here in the United States, that’s extremely tacky and tasteless. Why does someone think it’s okay to hit up a family member for $5,000 the day before their child walks down the aisle? That’s not their responsibility in any way–and can quickly turn what should be a sentimental occasion into an awkward one.

In case you’re wondering, my in-laws didn’t give the money. They don’t have that kind of money just sitting around, and if they did, they would more than likely invest it.

I really do feel bad for them because many of their own brothers and sisters feel if they work and live in the United States they’ve made it. Yes my in-laws have a nice single-family home and rental property, but that didn’t just fall in their lap. In fact, they struggled for many years to be able to save and provide opportunities for all three of their children to attend college. It was also their money that helped sponsor many of their relatives to move to the United States, but we won’t go into that.

At the end of the day, we don’t know a person’s income or expenses. Just because things look all put together on the outside doesn’t mean there aren’t battles happening behind closed doors. As mentioned before, some of my closest family have tried to make me feel bad about not financially supporting them when they don’t do anything to handle their own business. I’m a wife, mother of a toddler and have another child on the way. How do you think it’s okay to have me fund your life when you’re older than me, finding every excuse in the book not to work hard yourself?

If there was ever a situation where someone I loved truly needed help (and they’ve done everything to help themselves), of course I would try to assist them. This doesn’t mean I don’t have my own bills to pay or will go into debt trying to make someone else’s life easier.

How do you handle family who tries to guilt you into borrowing money you know they won’t repay?

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