Have we forgotten how an actual date is supposed to go?
I did for a period of time, but then a lightbulb went off and I realized that I had to get it together.
It all started when this guy I met started calling me and asking me to come over, or vice versa. I would always decline because I just wasn’t feeling the idea of us getting to know each other in private when there were plenty of public places around the city to really do so. Plus, I didn’t want him all in my space.
After I expressed this to him, our phone conversations dwindled and then they inevitably stopped. And our dateless tug-of-war had to come to an end when he called me to brag about being out with a group of friends having dinner. He could go all out with them, but couldn’t be the least bit romantic with me. I wasn’t amused.
As I felt my anger steadily climbing, I paused: Who in the entire hell did this man think he was? Me being me, I had to ask him that, and I ended up reading him in a Claire Huxtable type of way. His response? “I didn’t think you were feeling me in that way since you never really wanted to see me.”
He acted as if we actually knew each other, formed a relationship, and were at that stage where we were being intimate. He skipped the entire courting stage. Sometimes a woman wants to know that a man thinks enough of her to plan a date and then execute said date. Some guys really think it’s okay to come to a woman’s house without planning an actual date. They will use the excuse that they are “tired,” “broke,” or “had a long day and just want to chill.” Well, to that I say, please chill on your own time and in your own place because I would like to engage in an activity that isn’t about fooling around, but rather, getting to know one another better. I’m talking about a situation where we aren’t in my living room, or his, staring at each other.
I like to be wined and dined like everyone else, but I’m not one of those women who thinks a guy needs to break the bank to impress me. I like good conversation. If a man can capture my mind and make me think, I’m all in. Taking a walk, checking out a museum and maybe grabbing a quick bite to eat are all fun date ideas to me. But really, any well-planned activity will do, as long as the guy isn’t trying to get through my front door so fast.
But after “Mr. Wanna Come To My Place?” I started to get these lazy ‘date’ requests from different men over and over again. I didn’t understand. Was I giving off a lonely vibe or something? I didn’t think I was so this made me wonder: is this the new dating standard? Was I being old-fashioned and did I need to get with the times?
With that in mind, I began to bend a little bit, but boy did my love life take a disastrous turn. Word to the wise – never break your own rules. You will end up regretting it. Trust me.
When I gave this ‘new dating standard’ a chance, everything turned out exactly the way my first mind told me it would. Being that we didn’t know each other well enough, it was always awkward, and more often than not, the guy had ulterior motives.
After briefly dealing with this type of dating situation, I had to shut it down. I no longer cared if the guy thought I was being old-fashioned or not. I don’t know about you, but I can’t appreciate a guy trying to get to know me while we stare at the television and he tries to make a pass at me.
Ladies, if a guy comes over to your spot and this becomes the norm for your dating situation, just know that you have created a monster. You’ve spoiled him and made him too comfortable so he doesn’t believe that he needs to make any kind of effort when it comes to you. You’ve been morphed into Susie Homemaker without the benefit of a ring, let alone a relationship. I’m just saying…
Women are creatures of habit, so it’s easy for us to get used to a behavior, even when it isn’t in our best interests. If a guy you are vibing with doesn’t want to get to know you in a public setting, nip it in the bud quickly. Tell the guy how you feel. If he doesn’t get it then he can get lost and crash on someone else’s couch. Sadly, how you start out a with a guy is usually how the story is going to end. Figure out your own personal rules of dating and please, stick with them.