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Forget what you’ve heard about chocolate and diamonds because the clitoris, which we reintroduced you to last week, is truly a woman’s best friend! In fact, they’re inseparable. While the mighty male penis may be a close friend indeed, it’s the clitoris that holds all the secrets to her pleasure. Understanding the secrets of this hot spot can make all the difference in the world between an ordinary and an extraordinary sexual experience!

However before you begin exploring all the ins and outs of the secret workings of the clitoris, be sure to check out these definite do’s and don’ts:

Don’t touch unless your hands are clean!

Just like mama said you should always wash your hands before dinner, you should always make sure you wash your hands before sexual pleasure as well. Make sure your hands and fingers are squeaky clean and your finger nails are well groomed. Bacteria that can mount on the hands and under fingernails can potentially infect the clitoris. Remember bacteria loves to thrive in warm and moist environments. Also make sure your fingernails are clipped and filed. A sharp or jagged fingernail on the most sensitive part of the body does not make for a good situation!

Do make sure you vary your strokes and techniques.

Consider yourself an artist as you paint your masterpiece. Use a combination of various strokes and techniques in order to ensure your greatest work of art comes forward! The same old stroke and/or technique can become pretty dull, boring, and even painful after a while. It can also ruin the entire experience. Consider incorporating the tongue — it’s the perfect tool for pleasure! As one of the strongest and most flexible muscles in the body, the tongue has the ability to twist, bend and fold. It can offer various stokes, apply pressure and even add the element of different textures. Try using fingers and even toys with your clitoral play; lightly nibbling or kissing the clitoral hood also helps spice things up a bit.

Do become intimately acquainted with her anatomy.

That might sound obvious, but very few people actually take the time to learn everything about the female body and how it functions. You don’t have to be a doctor, but you should have a basic understanding of the parts of the female anatomy and how they respond to pleasure. This information will help increase the pleasure you and your sexual partners experience as well as reduce risk for infection. After all, he more you know about how something works, the more you’re able to maximize its usage.

Don’t play too rough, she’s a lady!

The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve fibers. That’s a lot of sensitivity in one location! The wrong touch or move, no matter how slight, can change a moment of pure unadulterated pleasure into a scary nightmare. The same is true when it comes to using your teeth. Teeth are made for grinding and chewing food. Sharp teeth on an extremely sensitive clitoris… need I say more? It’s always best to err on the side of caution when it comes to lady clitoris. If you’re uncertain whether or not the touch or the teeth are too rough, just ASK! She’ll be glad you did.

Don’t skip on the lubrication, she’s not afraid to get wet!

Imagine continuously rubbing a very sensitive area of your body with extra-rough sandpaper. Ouch, right? Well that’s exactly how it feels when you continuously rub a non-lubricated clitoris over and over again. You can prevent this by getting natural vaginal fluids flowing during a steamy session of foreplay. However, if a woman doesn’t lubricate enough naturally, don’t be afraid to apply a water- or silicone-based lubricant. Stay away from coating the clitoris with oil-based or flavored lubricants, unless it’s glycerin free, because they’re not as hospitable to her environment. Remember the wetter the better.

Don’t blow on her. She gets cold quick.

Although it might be her birthday, don’t blow on the clitoris. It’s not a candle! This one might sound obvious, but thanks to advice in popular magazines and porn movies many people think that blowing air on the clitoris is a huge turn on. Not so much. Blowing huge gusts of air on the clitoris will only dry up the lubrication, causing discomfort. However, lightly breathing on the clitoris can provide a warm tingly sensation to the extremely sensitive nerve endings. FYI, blowing on the clitoris and breathing warmly on it are two completely different things. If you don’t know the difference, don’t even try it.

Do consider her time. It’s everything.

The clitoris can be extremely sensitive, especially shortly after an orgasm. Touching it at the wrong time can quickly turn a good time into a bad one. Gauge post-orgasm touch carefully, monitor any reaction and scale back the level of stimulation if necessary. Nothing is more uncomfortable than an over-stimulated clitoris.

Don’t be afraid to use her wing to help her fly!

Don’t just focus on the head of the clitoris!Although they’re not visual to the eye, the wings can help her fly into orgasmic intensity. At the height of sexual pleasure, the internal clitoris is extremely sensitive as well. Using your fingers, penis or a sex toy, to stroke the wings of the clitoris can send you or your beloved soaring into another world.

Do face the truth.

Can we all just face the clitoral truth? The clitoris has miraculous and mysterious power that demands respect, appreciation and attention. The more we understand about the center of a woman’s pleasure, the more we’re able to facilitate experiences of unparalleled bliss. The truth is that without the clitoris a woman would not experience as much sexual satisfaction. And when you combine clitoral stimulation with vaginal, g-spot, breast, vulva or other external stimulation, the experience is absolutely amazing. So, trust me when I say that she will thank you for taking the time to pay her clitoris the special attention it deserves.


Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, or

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