When it comes to women and their homegirls, I think we can all agree that there is a certain “girl code” that all must follow. Some are general, and common sense – like never let your girl leave the house looking crazy or be sure to save her if she’s trapped in the corner by a cornball in the club. But when it comes to “man rules,” how many of you have gotten yourselves in trouble because you weren’t clear on what the “girl code” policy is regarding men? Let me give you a scenario.
You and your girl are out at a club, lounge, book store – wherever – and you both spot an attractive man. He is a stranger to you both, but she calls “dibs’ on him. You back off, but he approaches you both, looking in your direction. Without skipping a beat he makes it clear that you have his attention and asks if he can call you…right in front of your girlfriend who called dibs on him first. What do you do??
I found myself in this situation once, and I wound up giving the guy my phone number. My girlfriend, who swore that she had “seen him first.” didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks – she said I broke the “girl code.” Granted, we were in high school when it happened, so I didn’t have much experience in “girl code” when it came to boys. I simply thought “may the best girl win” – and the girl in that situation was me. While she eventually got over it, I could tell that she never really quite trusted me again the same. Nothing came of me and the guy, and I probably damaged a good friendship in the process.
Now fast forward to adulthood and I wonder if I would make the same choice now that I did back then. After all, maturity dictates that a woman shouldn’t be all in her feelings if a complete stranger that she’s attracted to decides he wants to date her friend instead…right? Not so fast. It seems that what is considered “girl code” is relative to all parties involved, and if you’re not sure of the rules, then you’d better GET sure before a man comes between you and your besties.
I don’t suspect that men have these issues, but women tend to expect a little more loyalty when it comes to their girlfriends, men and boundaries. Is it because we’re under the impression that there is some sort of “man shortage” where we don’t feel there are enough fish in the sea for everyone? Are we secretly competing with our friends, even subconsciously? Do we take “girl code” for granted without really knowing what that “code” is?
Since I’m no longer in the dating scene, I luckily don’t have to figure these things out amongst my girlfriends. However I’m curious to hear what some “rules” are that you have with your girls – particularly those that pertain to men. Would it be okay for a friend to date your ex? If so, would she be required to get your permission first? Or are all exes off-limits, no matter how long ago that relationship ended? Do you and your girls call “dibs” on men if you both have an interest – and are they required to back off of men that you are or were interested in, even if nothing comes of that interest? These are all things I’d love to get your thoughts on. Also feel free to add some written, and unwritten rules, that I may not know about. After all, I’m a part of the sisterhood and I don’t want to be left out…or risk losing another friendship because I didn’t follow “the code.”
