I’m not sure if you’ve been tuning into “Atlanta Exes,” but I would have to say that the person whose story really tugs at my heartstrings the most is Monyetta Shaw (Torrei is a little too sensitive/petty at times, Tameka is too abrasive with her opinions, Sheree is a little immature and Christina…well, I actually like her too). The former fiancée of Ne-Yo is still trying to move on from her famous flame while holding on for dear life at the same time…
You see, the former couple still live together with their two children, despite the fact that the singer has already publicly started dating someone new (Shaw claims that their living arrangement is temporary). But she says that at some point she wants to move on and date someone new–it’s just been hard to get out there to start.
When asked by cast member Christina Johnson during yesterday’s episode if she was ready to deal with a new man who might want her to have more kids, Shaw broke down in tears because she revealed that she can no longer have children. While with Ne-Yo, as a family, they made the decision after she had their son Mason (they also have eldest daughter Madilyn, born 11 months before) that because they had a boy and a girl, they weren’t going to have anymore children. With that in mind, Shaw had her tubes burnt by a doctor who until the very moment she did it, asked repeatedly, “Are you sure?” This was all while she was in her late 20s, under the impression that they were going to be together for the rest of their lives. Now that they’re not together anymore, she’s very angry.
“What if I meet the one and he doesn’t have kids? I can’t give you kids. That right there, it gets me. It makes me angry. From that, that’s why I see why some women are bitter.”
This whole scene was very sad. Shaw thought that they were going to be a solid family and that their future was going to be bright, only for Ne-Yo to realize after such a big decision was made that he didn’t want to be with her anymore. And she can’t really get away from him to heal completely because she’s made the decision to continue living in his home.
When I saw this scene play out I thought to myself, ‘why couldn’t they just use birth control?’ That’s such a major decision to make as young parents in their 20s so soon after bringing two kids into the world. I also thought, ‘Why couldn’t he get a vasectomy!?’
Another big thing I thought about after watching this scene was the reality of the crazy sacrifices we make for relationships that men often don’t.
I was just having a conversation with a friend this past weekend. After being committed to a man for four years who she was supposed to become a Mrs. to (seriously, they set a date), she left that relationship immensely hurt because he went back on his word one too many times and took her for granted. She sacrificed quite a bit for her partner (including moving to the other side of the country to be with him) and did very sweet things for her man that he wouldn’t do for her. Now she too is unsure about stepping back into the dating world, worried that she won’t find the man who will appreciate her and all she does, but instead, find more hurt and pain.
The only advice that I could give to her is to do what comes naturally to her. If it’s in her heart to go out of her way for her partner, then she’ll do it. But I told her that she shouldn’t do too much to the point where she feels like she gives and gives and gives, only to feel empty after the fact.
Shaw did just that. Not only did she have Ne-Yo’s children and burn her tubes after the fact, but she also got a tattoo on her body with the singer’s government name (Shaffer Smith) because she was that committed and in love.
We as women all do some very interesting things and make major sacrifices (including forgoing friends and family) for people who we think are as invested in the relationship as we are. The easiest answer would be to say that you should go into relationships with your eyes open, but falling in love is a mutha, right? Your heart can really have you out here confused with your nose wide open. I’ve been there too.
So I sympathize with Shaw, but I applaud her for sharing her story so that other women know and will think long and hard about what could happen before making such major decisions for love (aka, a man). In a recent chat with NecoleBitchie though, Shaw said that despite all she’d given and lost, she still doesn’t regret anything about her relationship with Ne-Yo and had this advice for others:
“Just love. Love with all your heart. Love yourself first. Because who knows what’s going to happen? Don’t have any regrets and don’t hold back. Even being hurt and going through heartbreak, you still live and you’re living life and you just gotta go into it full throttle. Love yourself first and just be open to love.”
You can check out the revealing conversation between Shaw and Johnson below: