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Dear Damon,

I’m single, 25 and have a 1-year-old. Daughter. I’m currently pursuing my bachelor’s degree and have moved back in with my mother to focus on school instead of working full time. I’m holding off on dating because I feel like in my situation I’m unattractive to stand up guys or the type of men I find attractive. Even after I finish school and get back on my own I’m afraid being a mother is a big turn off. Am I being insecure or am I right to stay out of the dating game?

Signed,
Down About Dating

Dear Down About Dating,

Before I begin, I want to commend you on your commitment to finish school. There are many who would have quit after having a child — often for perfectly justifiable reasons — and you deserve praise for seeing it through and being an inspiration for your daughter. (And, your mom deserves love too. Not every parent would allow their grown child to move back in as an adult, even if it was for a good reason.)

As far as your question, you’re both right and wrong. You’re right to put dating on the backburner right now. I don’t see a problem with putting your energy and effort into school and raising your daughter. But, you’re wrong in that their is hope for you.

I’ll be straight with you. There are men who will automatically rule you out because you’re a single mom. That is true. But, there are also men who’ll rule you out because you’re 5’2 instead of 5’6, or brown skinned instead of dark skinned, or a Delta instead of an AKA, or a Christian instead of a Muslim, or…you get my point. There are always going to be things that “disqualify” you. Most of those things will be out of your control. But, instead of thinking about the men who might not want to date you, focus on the many — including many “stand up” guys — who do. If you believe you have nothing to offer, others will believe it as well. But. if you see yourself as a valuable and precious commodity, worthy of love, affection, and attention, that has a way of rubbing off on people too.

Sincerely,

Damon Young

 

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.   

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