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Last week I had a conversation with my best friend of the opposite sex, playing catch up and trading stories as we often do. She told me about a friend of hers (we’ll call this friend Vee) and Vee’s latest failed attempt at dating. Vee was dating a guy and things went sour, and while a host of situations led to their eventual demise, the reason my friend and I had been cackling at the highest volumes known to man is because of the question Vee posed during their talk. Vee asked my friend: “would you keep dating a guy if the sex was bad?” to which my friend replied, “you’re asking ME this? ME? The woman who’s stopped dating guys she’s LIKED because the sex was bad?”At this point, laughter turned to tears as I replied, “she must’ve forgotten who she was talking to.” My friend, for as long as I’ve known her, has absolutely refused to be in a relationship with men who couldn’t satisfy her sexually. I thought this was common practice but I later found out that it’s not. So the question posed here is why do women settle for bad sex?

Relationships are complicated in that they can be as a simple as meeting the right person at the right time, or as difficult as trying to complete a rubix cube with one hand while blindfolded. Given our own dating histories, preferences, observations, and experiences, sex can either be the most/least important thing or fall anywhere in between. For some, sex isn’t a big deal. It’s just something to do to pass the time or please their partner and they’re apathetic to the feeling of orgasms or connecting with another person on a physical level. For others, sex within a relationship provides a safe haven where partners can express themselves freely. From an observational standpoint, most of the women I’ve seen complaining about having bad sex, yet still maintaining a relationship with their partner, fall into the latter category. Women who seem to crave orgasms the same way my girlfriend craves certain Jamaican dishes are steadfast in their refusal to leave their mates.

Women who settle for bad sex will point to any number of reasons for staying. The most frequent explanation (or excuse) I hear is, “he’s a good man and he has all these other great qualities. Why would I leave him just because the sex is bad?” It’s a legitimate question, even though I don’t understand it from a male perspective. It’s been said that women can’t go backward in lifestyle and men can’t go backward sexually. Meaning, once a woman is accustomed to a certain lifestyle or way of being treated by a man, she will no longer accept anything less than that. For men, once he’s been introduced to certain sexual acts and finds joy in them, he will no longer date a woman who won’t meet those same base desires.

I’m of the mind that while it can be challenging to find a mate, it’s not an impossible task. And while I’m aware of the “80/20 rule,” I’m not sure why sex would be involved in that “20.” My mind can’t fathom being with my girlfriend and suffering through fake orgasms, terrible fellatio, and having to look her in the face everyday knowing she can’t please me. It’s my belief if I’m suppose to be in a monogamous relationship and I’m only allowed to have sex with one person for the duration of the time I’m with said person, sexual compatibility would be at the top of the list — or damned closed to it.

So, ladies, hit the comment section and let me know. Would you stay in a relationship with a “good” guy if the sex wasn’t up to par? Have you ever stayed with a guy who couldn’t please you sexually and, if so, why? Lastly, where does sexual compatibility rank in terms of importance in relationships?

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