Certainly by now you’ve seen the viral video of Jay-Z being attacked by his wife Beyonce’s sister Solange. While it’s impossible to know what could have sparked the attack, one comment I heard over and over again was “I’m surprised Jay-Z didn’t hit her back.” It’s funny, because I would have been surprised if he did hit her back.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s okay for women to beat on men. But what I am saying is I don’t think it’s okay for anyone to hit anyone. Period. So the question is, is it ever okay for a man to hit a woman?
In the case of self-defense –- absolutely. And some could argue that Jay-Z would have been well within his rights to strike Solange back, given the whooping she was trying to give him. However, his life wasn’t in imminent danger and there was a bodyguard there, so there was no reason for him to hit her back. Add to that he’s an adult with self-control who respects himself and his wife enough to exercise some restraint and the argument ends there. If he had struck her, I would have been disappointed in him.
As the mother of a son, I plan to teach him not to hit any little girls who try to test him at the playground. But I also plan to teach him to defend himself against any boy that hits him. Is that a double standard? I guess you can say he should hit anyone back who hits him first, boy or girl, but violence against women is something I don’t want ingrained in my son’s psyche. If you give a boy the go-ahead to hit a girl from a young age, it could develop into domestic abuse where he feels it’s justified. Instead, I plan to teach him to trust his instincts and to recognize when he’s in real danger. After all, women can be just as vicious and ferocious as animals when it comes to violence, so if a woman is threatening him with a weapon or she’s just lost her damn mind, then by all means, restrain her and defend yourself if your life depends on it. But if she’s just popping off, then walk away. And I’d give him the same advice if the person provoking him were a male.
Because some don’t want to raise our boys to be “punks” we fail them when it comes to teaching them responsibility when it comes to conflict. Violence shouldn’t be synonymous with masculinity. It shouldn’t be something boys and men are associated with. When I hear the saying, “if she wants to be treated like a man, she should take her butt-whooping like a man” it tells me we’re sending the message that fighting and being beaten is something that boys do and that a boy’s manhood is tied to his ability to use his fists. True men know when to walk away. They have a responsibility to themselves to avoid situations where they feel they might be in danger of fighting someone –- male or female. I plan to teach my son to remove himself from a woman’s company if she makes him so angry that he feels he needs to resort to violence. I want to teach him discipline, self-control and integrity.
That said, it’s never okay for anyone to hit anyone, no matter the gender — whether we feel it’s justified or not. We’ll never know what set Solange off, but does it really matter? Whether he said something she didn’t like or if she was defending her sister’s honor, there was no reason for her to lay hands on him. Women need to understand that not all men have as much self-control as Jay-Z. If I ever raise my hand to strike someone first, I’d fully expect them to retaliate, man or woman. Since not all men are raised to believe that there’s never a reason to hit a woman, it’s best for everyone if they just kept their hands to themselves.
