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From YourTango

There’s this man you know who flirts with you often. Maybe every time you see him. You can tell he likes you. So how come he doesn’t ask you out? This makes you wonder if you should take the bull by the horns and simply ask him out. There is equality between the genders today so why not right?

Disclaimer: While the idea of asking a man out seems harmless, I don’t recommend it to my clients as a dating coach. My clients are women mostly over 40.  If you are under 30, I’m going to admit that things might be different. Society is changing slowly. But this particular dating advice about asking men out is meant for women of a different generation who are 40+.

My Dating Advice Is Don’t Ask Him Out

Are you surprised? I have several very good reasons for this advice:

1. Almost all dating experts agree, if a man is interested, he will ask you out

2. Just because a man flirts with you, doesn’t mean he wants to date you

3. Just because a man finds you attractive, doesn’t mean he wants to date you

4. Just because a man wants to sleep with you, doesn’t mean he wants to be in relationship with you

5. He may be flattered or think you’ll sleep with him, but that doesn’t mean he wants to date you

I have seen each one of these scenarios played out with my dating coaching clients. I know women who have asked out the men who flirted relentlessly with them. They discovered that while the guy liked flirting, it didn’t translate into more and were embarrassed when turned down. Men who like to flirt do it because it feels good, and it’s …fun! Flirting with you made him feel attractive and energized as it did for you as well most likely.

But his flirting doesn’t directly indicate his romantic, long-term interest. And the same is true for being attracted to you. Attraction is not a sign of romantic potential, just sexual chemistry. Men want to flirt and sleep with you, but not necessarily want to date you or enter into a loving relationship. You can understand that right?

Lastly, I have worked with enough men as a dating coach to know that men can be very flattered and excited by your advances. When you ask him out, you are going to pique his curiosity. He may also think his chances of “getting lucky” with you are excellent.

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