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Did we really land on the moon?  Who killed Tupac?  How far will that bright future behind you take you? For about the past decade, with the help of twerking and booty shots, some women have become obsessed with who has the biggest booty and men have exhausted all efforts to have the winner on their arm…or at least in their lap.  It got me started thinking about petite girl problems and how many women with bigger backsides I have witnessed getting wifed up (or just booed up) because they’re on #TeamClappers. I blame Nicki Minaj. But seriously, it makes me wonder: How important is the size of one’s backside?

Am I hating?  Maybe a little.  I’m no Miley Cyrus, but my booty probably wouldn’t inspire any Lil’ Wayne lyrics.  But I have been blessed with big booty friends who have used their super powers to get us everything from free drinks to good seats on the Megabus.  I’m sure many women with the ample gluteus maximus God (or their neighborhood booty shot beautician) gave them have never given too much thought about if men’s heads were turning to get a better view of their back, their beauty or if it even mattered.  Now I don’t like to call people anything but cute, but I will say I’ve noticed a very unsettling trend of not trying.  It’s like there are some women who feel like they can walk out the house looking any ol’ kind of way because their milkshake will bring all the boys to the yard. Men are ruining their credit, cheating on their wives, pro-creating with women who I wouldn’t trust to care for a Chia pet with nothing to show for it except for, “Did you see that a** tho’?”  And in response, some women are thinking they don’t even have to come correct.  They could have a missing tooth, no edges and a mustache that would make Drake’s dad blush and as long as they can make it clap they’ll never want for a man’s attention. And for those that don’t have all that going on behind them, they start to think they need to have it. Will men always choose a big booty over everything else?

“Don’t get me wrong, men have always liked a**, but it wasn’t necessarily a deal breaker on if a man would try to hit on a girl or not.  But now it’s a fad and dudes are obsessive about it.  You could have face like Beyoncé, but if you have an a** like Miley Cyrus to dudes nowadays, you’re automatically a five.  Now the girl with the big booty looking like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, she’ll get play for days. But that bothers me, because at the end of the day I have to talk to your face, not your behind.  That shows you right there what a man’s intentions are.”

These are the words of a male friend of mine as we debated over the phone the other day about the importance of an ample backside for some men.

Beauty standards change all the time.  In the eighties and nineties you were beautiful if you were a broomstick rocking big breasts, but it seems that in the past decade, if your behind isn’t galloping behind you when you walk down the street, then all of a sudden you’re not as beautiful as you could be, and that’s a problem.  Women just can’t seem to break this cycle of men defining beauty standards. Sisqó told folks that he likes the way your booty goes “duh duh, duh duh” and quite a few young girls and women ran out and bought thongs to sit on their hips. Big Sean told you to make that thing “Hammer time” and women suddenly made squats a priority in their day.  Do women truly even know what WE think is beautiful anymore?

Now every once in while the rare phenomenon occurs that a woman has a face like Sanaa Lathan and a body like Melyssa Ford, but usually life sees fit to give you one or the other, which is fine as long as women and men alike would stop giving the almighty booty more credit than it deserves and focusing on one body part like the others don’t matter.  I can’t help but wonder how great having a big booty on a woman could be to a man if you have to lift up a chick’s back fat to get to it?  Women are injecting everything from tub caulk to toothpaste so they can have a behind that looks like Blac Chyna’s, but neglecting that they have dents and bumps all down their thighs.

“I feel kind of deceived.  Women have all of these things like Spanx.  The worst thing is to see a girl with a big behind sitting high, only for it to fall to the back of her knees when she takes her clothes off.  That’s not a turn on.”

This according to a colleague as we discussed beauty and booty.

So how far will your booty take you? Most men I talked to agreed that basically a big behind would get them talking, but if you aren’t bringing much else to the table, it’s going to be a short conversation. And that’s all fine and good if the only thing you want is attention and to discuss your favorite position.  You may have a bright future behind you, but if a man has no interest in having face to face interaction with you, do you really want any kind of future with him?  You have to wonder how much you really want your butt or any body part of yours for that matter to account for your self-worth or opportunities in life.

Toya Sharee is a community health  educator  and   parenting education coordinator who has a passion  for helping  young women  build  their self-esteem and make  well-informed choices  about their sexual  health. She  also  advocates for women’s  reproductive rights and blogs about  everything  from  beauty to love  and relationships. Follow her on Twitter   @TheTrueTSharee or visit  her blog Bullets  and  Blessings .



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