No Romance? Evoking The Romantic In Your Boyfriend

December 20, 2013  |  
1 of 10

Music plays from outside of your bedroom window, resonating against the late evening backdrop. You then drop whatever misleading but enthralling romantic novel you are currently invested in and you approach the window. You see your beloved below: stereo held high above his head, his body adorned in a trench jacket, and there’s love written across his handsome face.

OH, wait….rewind. That’s not your boyfriend, that’s John Cusack (See: Say Anything), and that couldn’t be your life, because your man does not have a romantic bone in his body.

For some reason, your boyfriend can spend his existence splurging on video games, but never on jewelry; bringing home a dozen donuts, but not a dozen roses; and sitting through three hours of basketball, but not two hours of Broadway.

He’s unromantic and it’s frustrating, but before you kick his adorable but oblivious butt to the curb, consider some subtle and not-so-subtle tips to help your man be the romantic that you always knew he could be.

Don’t Expect Romance Out Of A Movie

The Wood, Love & Basketball, and Think like a Man have many of us all twisted about romantic gestures and romantic exchanges between real-life couples. In everyday life, there aren’t always sweeping moments, men approaching you as your favorite song plays, or doting ex-beaus appearing with a basketball to challenge you to win their love and affection. No, life is not a movie, and it doesn’t need to be. In real life, for most women, romance is not overblown. It can be small, well-intentioned and moving. Instead of expecting something out of a movie, suggest that your boyfriend bring home a romantic movie, popcorn and wine, for a romantic evening in front of the television.

Be Straightforward About Things You Desire, Particularly On Special Occasions

Try as he might, your boyfriend can’t read your mind. As irritating as it might seem to you, some men aren’t wired to anticipate needs or make grand gestures. He may love you more than Nicki Minaj loves wigs, but it doesn’t mean that he’s going to know what you want. Instead of taking it personal, take it into your own hands. Tell him concerts, films, and plays that you’re interested in seeing. When you want a particular gift for a holiday, give him STRONG hints, or better yet give him a list of options to choose from. If you don’t inform him, you can’t be salty if he misses the mark, yet again.

Don’t Overwork Yourself Trying To Be Romantic For Him

For your anniversary, you make a meal–a feast fit for a king really. You marinate and pan sear steak, you sautée vegetables, and you even pull out the rolling pin so that you can make him an impressive dessert. This effort came after many others. You’ve written letters, bought lingerie, composed poetry, endured annoying friends, and armed surprises, all so that your man could enjoy the benefits of your love. Unfortunately, just because you work your fingers to the bone doing romantic things to the bone, that doesn’t mean it’ll be reciprocated. Instead of trying to be too romantic for him, take some of that time and money, and spend it on yourself. Instead of buying him that game he wanted, buy yourself something amazing, and tell him about it.

Keep Up With His Romantic History

Try asking your man about romantic things he’s done in the past. Ask him about the romantic things that he’s done for others, remind him of romantic things that you’ve done for him, and remind him of romantic things that he’s done for you. Stirring up all that romantic history might provoke him to want to do more of these acts.

Try To Do Simple Romantic Things, And Not Just On The Holidays

Romance is not exclusive to holidays. In fact, casual romance and small brilliant gestures are often the most memorable. Going for walks in the park, visits to the beach, making dinners, writing small notes, unexpected kisses, random confessions of love via social media, thoughtful text messages, bringing over dinner, arriving with wine and a movie, or simply hugging someone close when they are cold. Romance, like gifts, is praised for the thought.

Dare Him To Be Romantic

You want your man to be romantic? Challenge him to step up to the plate by making a proposition. At times, men don’t do romantic things because they simply don’t think to. Tell him that you’re planning to do something romantic for him by the week’s end, and challenge him to do the same. You two can even make a wager: The person who comes up with the most romantic surprise could win a special treat.

Encourage Him To Surprise You From Time To Time

Let your man know that you like to be surprised. Plant the seed by stating it, and encourage the idea by giving him examples of people you know who’ve been surprised. And, to reinforce it, float ideas through emails, texts or phone calls about what kind of surprises you might like. If you want chocolate and roses, send him a link to a Groupon that’s offering a value on flowers, with a note that simply states, “to keep in mind.”

Acknowledge The Other Ways He Shows His Love For You

Hey, some men just aren’t really wired for the over-the-top gestures, and if you say you want to go out for a romantic dinner, they don’t understand why you’re not feeling the buffet at Golden Corral. Poor thing. He means well, but he doesn’t get it. In situations like this, you might also want to give him some credit for the other ways he looks out for you: rubbing your feet after a long day at work, picking up that medicine you need and those “feminine products” you’re just too tired to run to the store to get. He’s got your back, so show him love for that.

Accept Him For Who He Is, Or Be Ready To Hit The Exit

Despite provocation, your man still can’t seem to understand that romance is the fuel that fires a fruitful relationship. Some men, no matter what, simply are not capable, because they have no real desire to be romantic. If this is the case with your boyfriend, then you have two choices: 1. Accept that your man can’t be the romantic that you would like him to be –and try not to take it personal.  2. Show yourself to the nearest exit, because there’s no reason to wait for a stubborn man to change.

Trending on MadameNoire

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN