“Are You Pregnant?” 7 Rude Ways People Will React To Your Engagement

September 12, 2013  |  
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In a perfect world, people would just be happy for you when you get engaged. But most times when you show someone a ring, their thoughts aren’t about you; they’re about themselves. And they’ll project just about any negativity they have swirling around in the love department of their brains onto your happiness. Here are 7 rude ways people will respond to your engagement, and how to react.

 

“Are you pregnant?”

The cynics out there will assume the marriage must be to cover up some mistake or taboo move on your part. And the default is to assume you failed at taking your birth control every day and then, oops, realized you were four months pregnant and are having a shot gun wedding.

How to react

Just laugh (but not too hard) and say, “No. But if I were it wouldn’t be a bad thing. I know my fiancé is the person I want to be with forever so, one more commitment wouldn’t scare us.”

 

“What’s his last name? Here they say your first name with his last name and look displeased.”

Some people think that your first name and your fiance’s last name should have a nice ring together—that if they don’t sound like a celebrity name, that must be a sign you’re not meant to be.

How to react

“The name will grow on you. Plus, you’re one to talk about signs. You don’t think we should marry because our names don’t sound right but you did think you should date that guy last year because you both had tattoos on your backs in Chinese letters (or some other time the offender decided they were compatible with someone for a superficial reason).”

“What kind of diamond is that?”

Trying to determine how much money your fiancé makes, or perhaps how much he actually loves you, or how committed he is to this engagement people will pry to find out how many carats are in your bling.

How to respond

Simply say this: “Enough.” The offender will immediately feel like a jack*ss. The ring itself is enough of a symbol of your fiance’s devotion to you, so whatever the ring is made of is enough.

 

“He didn’t ask for your father’s permission?!”

Some of the old fashioned types will want to know if Mr. Fiance called up your dad and got the go-ahead on the proposal. And when you say he didn’t (as few men do today) they’ll make some comment about how he doesn’t respect your family.

How to respond

“In my family nobody is seen as an object that belongs to anybody. In fact, my father might have been offended if my fiancé asked for permission, because that’d be assuming he behaved in some outdated way that seemed like I were his property.”

 

“Isn’t it kind of soon?”

Timelines are engraved on most people’s brains regarding when relationships are meant to move forward. Many people will think if you jump the gun on these timelines, that you’re being impulsive, that you’re thinking only with your heart (or other parts of the anatomy) and not your head, and that you don’t know your fiancé very well.

 

How to respond

“I know couples who dated for ten years, finally married, and divorced within one year. I know couples who married after three weeks of knowing each other, and stayed together for the rest of their lives. Only I can know when it’s time—not some arbitrary timeline—and I know.

 

“Good luck, you’ll need it”

Children of the divorced, or divorcees themselves, or the people who can’t seem to find love because they won’t work out their own personal issues, but of course blame the rest of the world instead, they’ll love saying this line to you. God forbid they let you continue to be optimistic about your decision, when they lost all optimism about their own love lives years ago.

 

How to respond

“Last I checked a successful marriage has nothing to do with luck. It has to do with two, whole people coming together who’ve worked out all their own personal stuff, are honest about who they are, and aren’t afraid to be vulnerable. And we both covered all that so, we’re good. But thanks for the well wishes anyways.” You’ll send the offender running to their therapists. Or maybe a bar and a one-night stand to ignore the reality check you put them in.

“Oh that’s great! We never thought that would happen.”

The kiss that comes with a slap: that’s what this comment is. Just as you’re congratulated, you’re reminded that you’re so ineligible that nobody thought anybody would ever want to spend his entire life with you. So now you get to be insecure and wonder if your fiancé will wake up one day and realize you’re crazy.

How to respond

You can usually just say, “Oh? Why is that?” and the offender will immediately realize they’ve dug themselves into a grave and brought something up they’re not prepared to discuss. You can expect a quick and ashamed, “Oh! I didn’t mean it that way!”

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