MadameNoire Featured Video

Yes, I’ve heard it so many times before. “You’ve got a beautiful figure.” “I’m so jealous of your big booty.” “Men love a woman with curves.” “You’re not fat, you’re just curvy.” “I would love to have a curvy figure like yours.” To give you a better idea about my size, I have what you would call a pear figure, or what some might call a coke bottle figure. I am 5 foot 4, with a 29-inch waist and 42-inch hips. It’s not the perfect body and I would love to lose 10 pounds, but more times than not, I usually get admired for my body.

To make things better…these days, celebrities with big bums are constantly being praised. Those who have a big booty are constantly trying to show it off, and those who don’t have a big bum are trying to get one. Women literally spend thousands of dollars to get what I already naturally have. So why do I still feel so self-conscious about it?

Some women absolutely love their big booty, and are proud to show it off. Tight dresses, short tops, all in an attempt to show off the goods. I, on the other hand, find ways to cover it up by wearing looser fitting blouses and dresses, while wasting time in the mirror analyzing if an outfit makes my butt look too big. Don’t get me wrong, I would never trade my big bum for a flat “pancake” bum, but there is a fine line between feeling the benefits from my bum and curvy figure, and feeling self-conscious about it. I’d say 50% of the time I’m happy with my figure, but then the other 50% of the time, I don’t like it. My big booty and me seem to have a love-hate relationship. I guess this is the reason for my analysis, because I feel like 50/50 is not a good ratio. I should be proud of my body at least 80% of the time, which is what I would say is healthy for most women. So why the 50%? After doing some thinking, I’ve concluded I have two main reasons why I don’t always feel proud of it.

The first reason is that I feel fat. There is a fine line between being a “thick” woman, and being fat. I especially feel worse when I meet a woman who claims to be “thick”, but in reality is overweight (sorry girl!). If she considers herself to be thick, but she’s actually fat, then what does that make me? Based on my measurements, I am not fat, but I definitely am “thick.” I usually wear a size small or medium when it comes to tops or shirts. The bottom is a whole other story. On the bottom, there is no consistency at all. Depending on what the clothing item is (whether it be a skirt, pants or shorts), I can wear anything from a size 7 to a size 11. Sometimes when it’s on the larger side of the size chart, I feel terrible about my body. I feel overweight and like I want to lose weight. I guess there is a bit of a double standard, because when I can fit into clothing that’s on the smaller side of the size chart, I don’t give myself enough credit either. On top of that, some clothing items are just known not to look good on curvy women. High-waisted jeans are a huge no-no, and don’t even get me started on any sort of bright or bold patterns. Perhaps if I did lose the 10 pounds I mentioned at the beginning, this would alleviate this concern?

The second reason is probably the more important reason. I don’t like being stared at like a piece of meat. Not all attention is good. What I consider bad attention is having men stare at me like the way men look at girls in music videos or look at “video hos” as some may call it. This is the stereotypical black woman with the huge booty dancing in a rap video. It’s that fear of being admired in a sexualized disrespectful way that makes me feel ashamed of it. If men would stop staring at my booty like it’s Thanksgiving dinner, then I would stop feeling like I’m being disrespected because they may be associating me with the “big booty ho” stereotype. It may be the little bit of the Postmodern Feminist in me talking, but I just don’t like the idea of being admired as a sexual object, as opposed to being admired for a beautiful smile, or a kind personality…which obviously means not as an object, but rather as a human being. I can’t help but wonder that if I did have a slightly smaller bum, would I be noticed more for the other positives that I have to offer?

At the end of the day, I just want to be admired for my personality, and not feel like my bum is holding me back from people trying to get to know the real me or feel like my bum is attracting the wrong crowd. If I do happen to have nice booty, it should be the cherry on top of an already delicious ice-cream sundae.

Am I wrong for having these feelings? Leave your feedback below.

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