A few months ago, Anslem Samuel wrote a post about how black men view dating single mothers. While I sympathize with the plight of single mothers, I totally understood his perspective. I mean, who wants to date a baby daddy? Some man who knocked up a woman he had no intention of marrying, who’s likely still angry and bitter. A married man has children. A baby daddy got kids. The terms married and children are endearing and baby daddy plus kid equals baggage.
Men typically don’t have primary custody, so it’s usually not the stringent schedule that sucks. Their baggage comes in the form of a woman scorned and shared experiences. Dating a baby daddy is a package deal in which you get him, the mama and the kid. It never fails that the baby mama, at some point, wanted him to marry her or at least stay in the relationship. I can only imagine what it feels like to get pregnant and left and all of the female emotions and child-pawning is just too much. No one wants to deal with some crazy, jealous woman taking her frustrations out on her baby daddy’s new girlfriend.
Then, you have the child. Though she is not your responsibility, she is his. Thus, his responsibilities and obligations have a place in your relationship. You’re signing up to play house with someone else’s kid. And, should you ever want to get married, you and your husband could not share the “first child experience” and all that comes with it. Most of us want to get as close to the fairytale as we can, but I am not sure how magical it is to have a walking, talking remnant of your man’s past relationship.
Let’s not forget the legalities of paying child support. Even men who have virtually no money get stuck paying more than they should. Do you really want a man that has to support another household? It takes away from the sanctity of monogamy and/or marriage. In a sense, you and the baby mama are sharing. Seriously, who’s jumping all over that?
Being a baby daddy also speaks about a man’s character. Call it a mistake; call it a consequence, their child is a reflection of their sins. Getting a girl pregnant that you don’t want to marry is often a result of promiscuity. Not to say people can’t change, but I would wonder how well he fairs with monogamy—and, his views on family.
For those of us with no kids, who have worked hard not to be baby mamas, baby daddies are not top picks. It’s hard enough to get to know someone and even harder with two middlemen. Although it can work out given the right conditions, I’d make a different move
In the next life, would I date a baby daddy? No, thank you.
