Dating While Celibate: How To Stay Strong On The Sexual Road Less Traveled

July 9, 2013  |  
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There are a variety of reasons to choose a life—or a period of your life—of celibacy from spiritual, to physical, to addiction problems and religious obligations. But no matter the reason, if you’re refraining from sex, it’s all the same to your partner: hard (no pun intended). Here’s how to make it easier on both of you.

Find a friend or mentor doing the same thing

Like any habit you’re trying to kick from binge eating to smoking, it always helps to have a friend on the same journey, or a mentor who has already conquered that issue. Simply being able to vent to them about your struggles and experiences, and realizing those are normal, can give you the strength you need to stay the course.


Ignore everyone else’s opinion

And people will have plenty of opinions on this from your friends, to your partner’s friends. But what works for them doesn’t necessarily work for you. Just because they rave about a life full of sexual activity doesn’t mean that you’re not making the right decision. Remember why you got into this, and forget what everyone else says.

Tell the person you’re dating

From the very beginning, tell the person you are dating that you are celibate. He deserves to know why you always say goodnight in the car, or why you refuse to let him see your apartment. He also deserves to decide if this is something he can handle.


Know the end goal

There are plenty of men who will endure a sex-less relationship, so long as they know sex is somewhere in the future. So what’s the plan? Be celibate for 6 months? A year? Until marriage? Having a goal date can keep your guy motivated to stick it out. Or, if you are staying celibate until marriage, that is something your partner deserves to know so he can decide if that works for him.

Don’t date anyone who would criticize your decision

Knowing what to say to a guy who reprimands this decision is a non-issue, because you shouldn’t be dating him in the first place. Anyone who doesn’t respect the decisions you make, that are in view of your own emotional, mental or physical wellbeing, is not someone you should be with.

Don’t date anyone who would try to tempt you

Trying to temp you is the same as criticizing your decision; it just looks more innocent. But either way: a man who is outspoken about his contempt for your decision, or a man who just keeps letting his hands wander to places they shouldn’t, is still disrespecting your decision. Leave him.

Avoid close quarters

Do yourselves a favor and avoid close quarters. Watching a movie in your bed, at night, when your roommate is out of town is just asking for trouble. Usually, if you’d just avoid the tempting environment, the urge would pass.

Make plans, a lot

Following the previous line of thought, make sure you and your partner stay busy and active. Take tennis lessons together, plan hikes, host tons of parties, go to tons of parties. Don’t leave much time for the two of you to be lounging around one of your homes together.

Give your condoms to your roommate

This is actually a great trick because A) You don’t want to get intimate without these, B) On the rare occasion you would throw caution to the wind and say “screw it, we won’t use one” you’ll immediately feel guilty because they’re just in the next room but C) Your roommate knows you’re trying to be celibate, and you’ll face her look of disappointment if you go asking for one.

When all else fails, have an embarrassing excuse

Set yourself up for disaster should you give into temptation. Don’t shave, anything, any time, while dating. The thought of a guy discovering that could be the thing that saves you at your weakest moment.


Know that 4play is a slippery slope…

It’s your prerogative to engage in sexual activities other than intercourse, but know that most individuals who break their vow of celibacy make the decision to do so in the middle of 4play, and had no intentions of doing so before.

Avoid any sexual scenarios in movies or TV while with your partner

Watching raunchy movies is just a form of torturing you and your partner. Keep it to comedy.


Find some place to channel that sexual energy

You will have pent up energy if you’re keeping celibate, so get into kickboxing or some hobby that releases all those animal instincts.

Self pleasure often

A pleasure toy is your best friend on this journey. Giving yourself  some love before hanging out with your partner will do you a world of good in fending off temptation. You’ve discharged the sexual tension, on your part at least, by “taking care of yourself” ahead of time.

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